Another gloomy day…face up!

I bless you all. Please enjoy your life. I am not here to make anyone sentimental or confused or anxious or scared.

Killed myself mentally

I am done. Perhaps I am done with all my muddling thrown life.

I abandon self-achievement. I give up individual happiness – private relationships, money, recognition, social status, memories……

If my ultimate goal is to cheer myself, then I will leave this hell – or heaven – without hesitation. It makes me bored. My life was smooth, though. My life would be happy, though. And peaceful. And successful if I strived enough. But after all it is meaningless. So I had better end it now.

I exhibit symptoms designated depression. But I will not go to hospital, not eat drugs to ease the suffering, nor ask for suicide prevention.

Plus, I tell nobody. Because I hope not to let anyone else sense the breaths of death.

Today was just another gloomy day. I opened a video talking about self-harm, and saw lots of people claiming to abandon their lives. They are the poor, the exploited; the jobless, the homeless. The one on the top of that comment list said : Life is hopeless. It’s just the poor gets poorer and the rich gets richer.

These words struck me. Just think: if someone who has been fortunate enough like me surrenders, why would the mass that are fallen behind me at their birth endure their lives? If one wants to give up only because a change seems hopeless, and thus wasting the rest of a meaningless life, then how can the livings gather enough strength to set it all right ?

So I must live firmly. Or at least firmly response to the Death: Not today!

The pure reason I did not kill myself physically, is that I handed over my life to something else, and to everyone else.

What stop me from killing myself is what my life means.