Balance

Am I the only one who can’t find balance in my life and how it’s gone for the last 52 years? Why has all the “good” gone down in flames? Why does every win come with several loses? When I sent “requests” towards the heavens it wasn’t for fame, money, or possessions it was for love. For just a constant simple thing. I guess somewhere along the line that was interpreted as losing, constant losing.

I kind of feel like texting the “several” people who said they cared but haven’t made any sort of attempt to call, text, or even answer me. I wonder if I tell them off how soon it will take them to reply?

I’m sick, in pain from the kidney stone surgery, the stent is killing me and no one cares to even check in. It’s the cancer scare of last summer all over again. I’m too loopy on the meds, but I need stuff, so I force myself out and cause all kinds of havoc on my innards.

I hate her for this. I hate him for coming into her life. I hate the both of them for living the life I made while I whither away trying to make a new one.

I have 4 weeks left to turn shit around or I’m going to be essentially homeless, truckless, and done. I can’t remember all the places I’ve applied. Why can’t I just be happy again? Have a fulfilling job that doesn’t suck like I had? Have a home where it was magic to come home to? Have a family who wants you.