19.05.2023 (2)

I’ve spent too much money on make up.

I’ve watched all the videos online as to how to mask my secrets.

I should cancel tonight.  She’ll see through my bullshit.  She always does.  I can’t afford to let her see through it.

I haven’t eaten since Sunday.  We’re going to my favourite restaurant.  Will my stomach roll at the sight of food?  Will she squint and look at me knowingly?

Will she see that a piece of me died this week?  Or will we eat and drink wine and laugh?  Will my problems disappear, and my mask remain firmly in place?  Will it be like this week didn’t happen?  Can I make this my new normal?

I should cancel tonight.  But I won’t.  There’s strength down there somewhere. I hope.