Useless

Well, after all the BS about “it takes time” to learn the job, apparently the caring and team atmosphere turned against me. I guess I should have acted like a man half my age. I had a banner week, in my opinion,  last week, but I should have figured something was up.

So here I am, unemployed again, only this time I’m screwed. NY being how it is, I probably can’t get back on unemployment.

I don’t know what to do other than what I shouldn’t do. I’m a burden, a joke, and the farthest thing from a useful human being. I take up space and pull people down.

There’s a reason Patty left me. There’s a reason why the boys did seem bothered by me going. There’s a reason why my family and friends abandoned me.

This whole live for myself shit has me even wanting to leave me. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when that’s all you do no matter how hard you try. Getting back on the horse ended years ago. I can’t even get up from the ground.