beef

so, ill start with the exciting stuff first. i get to be in both of my cousins wedding and i could not be more excited. the first one is this weekend on saturday!!!! i am so so so so excited for her. i just thought about 2 friends i miss alot, shawn and chlsea, they were good peoples and i miss them. we were good friends and chelsea made me feel comfortable around her. but back to my cousins, so this weekend, i have found the most beautiful bridesmaids dress and i cant wait to wear it and omg i cannot wait to see her get married , if it rains ill bring some rope just incase so they can tie a knot in the rain which makes their vows even tighter and will hopefully cheer her up if it rains. i wouldnt dare say rain around her though, i wouldnt curse her mind like that. and then my other cousin is getting married in october, i am also very excited for her, i feel kind of like a loser though, ive been married and divorced and i am still dealing with those emotions but that isnt what is important, what is important is that my two cousins get to have a good time with the new part of their life, im sad that their last names will be different now, not that theyre the same as mine now but like ive always known them with the same last names so it will be weird, i think its odd i was one of the first to get married, ill likely be getting married again. to my current boyfriend. thats an exciting thought honestly. hes a wonderful man. i love him. okay so the frustrating stuff. this is the 5th time in a row i have floated and it is definitely kelseas turn to float, i called kate out on it and she just blatantly ignored me, imagine being that childish, and then aly also wont get back to me. its just frustrating but this isnt my house so tonight will be easier for me to relax and be less stressed and work on homework so im not mad that im here im just mad about the very clear unfairness. i also got an A on my anatomy exam so im proud of myself for that one too, and ive had mostly positive thoughts today, i am genuinely happy about that, its been nice, i was shaking my leg lol i just made it stop. i think this journaling has been helping my mind alot, i also have therapy coming up soon which will be nice. oooo and i got some extra money so i am feeling a bit less stressed about that now too which is nice, im not sure if im reaching the end of this entry or not i guess we will find out here in a minute by the end of this like so lets just keep typing … okay it got longer so i am no longer worried. im trying to be more positive OH and the bf and i started watching this new show called BEEF, its about these 2 people with 2 completely different lives that are both very unhappy and want to unalive themselves, well theyre both having really bad days and they bump into one another in a really shitty way and this dude now has “beef” with this lady and finds out where she lives and he pees all over her bathroom floor and she finds it and is chasing him and shes obviously gonna get him back and so their sole reason for living right now and to not kill themselves is their “beef” the have with one another and i think this is a really cool concept. okay this has been an insanely long entry and i just had to make my leg stop shaking again. but it has been really nice writing out my thoughts. alright have a good one open diary and if anyone reads this. just know, you deserve to have a good day