Aaah….I Want it All…
I am getting older every day and every day my life seems just as bleak as it did yesterday and the day before that. I mean it is great and all that I am Jewish now and have some idea of what my home should look like…and yes, I am studying a social media course and slowly getting some kind of direction of what I want my professional life to look like, but my personal life is kinda stagnant.
. I don’t think there is anything that I want more than to have a lil baby growing inside of me and then to be woken up at ungodly hours to feed that baby and change its diaper and watch it in school plays and blow out their birthday candles. I think I want that more than I want a 100% sober husband…
but life seems to have dealt me a shitty hand…
I live in a 1.5 Bedroom Flat with a tiny bathroom which only has a shower and neither my husband or I can afford to buy our dream house. Well I don’t think 90% of South Africans can afford our dream house but my husband and I cannot even afford to buy a bigger apartment or just an entry level 3-bedroom house in a good neighborhood…never mind the whole cost of having a baby.
Then should I be unable to breastfeed and have to go the route of giving my baby formula….
I remember my sister using this brand and it is…R 239 = $ 12.74
Baby clothes and pram and crib and nursery…well I will have 9 months to get all that and I am sure family would love to contribute towards that or maybe since my kids are done having kids they could pass down the prams and cribs they used with their kids. Although I would like my own new baby furniture and stuff.
Now that I am writing this I see that it isn’t that bad until you think about creche and school etc…but I have a while to have to budget for that and I guess I could just have my mother in law or bio mother look after the baby while I work. I dunno…
The bigger issue is that I have PCOS which makes falling pregnant hard…so enter professionals and IVF and Meds etc and of course I have the Bariatric Op just about 6 months ago and so I cannot fall preggers or at least shouldn’t until a year after the op.
Some time ago I did speak about adopting….I should really get a move on with growing my family. I am tired of it just being me and him.