Frappachino Fairy

I had my very own Frappachino Fairy, as she’s been dubbed, show up today.  It was so wonderful to see her again.  She came bearing delicious offerings, a frappachino for myself and vanilla cream for the kids.  It’s always a thankful moment when life offers the opportunity for a quick hello, as happened today.  I miss all we use to do together.  She also came bearing a $25 gift card to Starbucks with the sweetest writings on it, although *rasberries* 9+ is …. well…..

We have certainly been through our trials in our friendship.  I remember how defensive I would get, and would so quickly close up to her.  She’d openly listen to me snarl, and well as quietly took me spitting daggers in her direction when our friendship hit it’s last painful head.  She took it all, quietly, as painfully as it may have been, and waited for me.  That, there, is a true friend.  One who understands that individuals go through their up and down growth process, who willingly waits quietly until the caos is over, and the friendship is able to pick back up again – however long that may take.

I remember her telling me once, the type of person she saw that I was.  Who I was inside, and who I so fearcefully fought from allowing myself to be.  I can now see how hard it most likely was for her back then, how simple it was and how the answer layed right there in front of me, waiting for me to take hold.  Waiting – for me. 

I watch someone else I know, struggle in his own negativity and animosity.  A place where I use to be.  Where I blamed everyone else for my dark emotions and where I stood in life, as well as my inability to do certain things.  It was always someone elses fault.  It was easier that way.  Even though, now, I see the latter was so easy, it was so difficult.  It was terrifying.  It’s hard though to watch someone you care so much about, suffer so deeply, when the solution is so simple – a happier life is right there at your finger tips.  But, all you can do, is sit and wait.  You’ve shown it by example, now you wait for them to find it also, if that time should ever arrive.

Life is so short.  You never know if tomorrow will actually ever come.  We each were lucky to have a today.  Yesterday "someone" was lost, and today was spent filled with regrets.  I never want to stand in that position, to wish I had done something different.  Wish I had just  made that call, taken just a simple moment, spent a little bit of time with someone in particular.  Forgiven. 

Driving today, my BIL crossed my mind again.  I grabbed the phone and tossed it to Alyssa to call him.  She still talks so highly of him, and STILL talks about her earings that he held her hand for while she had them pierced.  Her uncle means a lot to her.  Instead, SIL answered the phone 🙂  They talked, and she then she talked to Katherine.  Last came Jonah, and then finally to myself.  I have missed so many years of time with them.  I didn’t realize how old my little niece is.  I talked with SIL about how fast the years are going by, and planning a yearly get together, or twice a year.  Something to where we drive down (13+ hours) for one day visit, and drive back.  It is SO worth it to me, as well as for the memories the kids will continue to build with them.  I miss both of them – all THREE of them! 

Quickly here I need to call MIL and get her address again.  I would love for the kids to be able to send pictures and letters to her, I don’t want her to feel like a forgotten grandmother.  I was lucky to be able to catch a visit/breakfast with her, a huge reason as to why I drove Jonah down to his dads a few months ago.  She’s not going to live forever, isn’t in the best of health, and don’t want to regret not taking the time.

Time.  Time is so simple.

I know all happens for a reason, I do believe this.  It doesn’t always take away the feeling of loss and pain though.  My grandmother meant a lot to me.  I regret not spending more time with her, not taking just a few simple hours of the day to go and spend time with her.  Two weeks before I was going to drive down to visit with her and have generation photos taken, something to hang on my wall (I could feel the end coming), I received the call.  I knew what it was before I picked up the phone.  My grandmother had died in her sleep.  I sobbed, the only one since when my best friend died eight years ago.  I still miss her horribly.

One of the special things, is that Alyssa holds her birthdate.  I love that, I always have.

Don’t live life as if tomorrow will come.  That there will always be time to mend a friendship, to visit with someone, or to embrase that particular person again.  You may never have that chance.  Embrase all you can today.

Back to the Frappachino Fairy.  Thank you.  For being there back five years ago when I first met you, back when I fell apart, being there now…… and being a part of what will be in the future 🙂