September 1st
Wow – something I never wanted to feel tonight I felt. Anger and bitterness. As I sat in the passengers seat, I felt the emotions of "How F***ing dare you", when in reality what occured didn’t even matter. I fell asleep. Upon arriving, I sat and vented to the person that drove with me. I don’t like feeling such anger in a response to someones emotions, they shouldn’t effect me like that. I could feel it through my whole body 🙁 I took a breath and I could feel the release, but would tense back up again and fume inside. How sad, that I’d respond like this. I much prefer to love, feel peace towards, and accept others just as they are, regardless of what is aimed my direction. I was challenged tonight, and I failed. Ugh. Next time.
It felt so wonderful to wrap my arms around a friend of mine tonight that I haven’t seen in quite a while. I miss her terribly. We had a wonderful talk, lots of laughter, and another long hug goodbye. What better to do then meet up at some crazy hour at night for a midnight snack and laughter 🙂 The pleasures in life, lol. The ride back home was long, drawn out by the hour, the trip though very well worth the time. The kids enjoyed their time also. Pancakes at midnight? 😛 Glad we’ll all be able to sleep in for a bit in the morning, although I still have to be up somewhat early for horse chores (picking up a heckload of supplies), working with a team horse (lunch date with a big gray man), and cleaning of the house – again.
Its September 1st already! This is nuts – time flies so quickly. I am going to try to have my act together to start school in the spring. Just a few classes, online anyway. I can do this, at some point I just have to take the jump and just do it. There’s a few more things I want to have taken care of first….. yeeees, excuses 🙂
It is 3:45am and my youngest daughter is bouncing around. Lovely! Hopefully she’ll fall asleep here shortly. I know, I asked for it. The other two are crashed. Jonah is still feeling the cold in his chest, and fixed himself a cup of mint tea before going to bed.
Dreamland is almost here, greatly needed. Tonight as I drove home I felt so much peace, gratitude, thankfulness, and love. I am glad for this, and to have been able to not return back to how I felt tonight. When I’m that way my kids can feel it, I’m snappy and cold. I rarely get there anymore. Tonight I feel a sad sorrow for the person who caused me to step into that emotional state tonight. He has so much potential in this life, but he’ll never find it surrounded with the bitterness, coldness, and hate he allows himself to feel towards people and situations. He really is a great man, I believe this and always will. I wish him peace, I hope he finds it one day – although he’ll have to find it within himself first, no one can hand it to him.