Motherhood

MOTHERHOOD

Motherhood is a challenge, single motherhood is even more so. 

I absolutely love being a mother, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  My three children mean everything to me, although there are those times that I wish I could take a break – have a night to myself, sit in the hot tub alone, or even curl up in a Starbucks on one of their big fluffy chairs with a good book for a few hours.  But, since I am a complete full time stay-at-home single mom, 24×7, this is not possible.  It’s exhausting, while at the same time it is everything to me.  They are my joy and my world.  I even think so when I am a jungle gym, or accomplishing the feat of feeding one baby with a bottle, nursing my near 2yo who likes to switch regularly "more, please" she says, and typing a paper I’m working on with my remaining hand.

I feel as though my parenting abilities are getting so much better.  When my voice attempts to be firm out of frustration, I have remembered to take a breath and talk quietly without the frustration, explaining the situation to them and why I need it to be a certain way.  Today I was full of praise, even though things weren’t going too well.

I get down on their level so much more, act more child like.  Not childish, but child like.  I have seen such a difference in the kids since allowing myself to step out of the adult-no nonesense roll, and allow the child in me to come out. 

I picked up an easy bake oven for Alyssa last night, which she LOVED.  But the thrill of cooking quickly moved over to the kitchen.  This morning when I came out of the bedroom, a lovely mess was left for me to clean up.  She baked the most thoughtful cookie, consisting of soy sauce and an interesting mixture of herbs from my cooking cabinet.  That wasn’t quite a problem, but what I was frustrated over was the disaster of a mess that was left.  She worked on cleaning up the kitchen while I cleaned the livingroom…. but then said she had the "itches" and couldn’t do it anymore.  So we swapped.  I did what I could to praise her along the way, what a wonderful job she was doing clean, how well she did one item or another.  This seemed to give her a lot of drive for striving for more.

My praises to both girls is growing.  I smother Katherine with verbal and physical loves, and have stalled on doing the same for Alyssa because she’s so much bigger I think.  I have worked on changing that, continuing to tell Alyssa, almost 7yo, how beautiful she is, what a wonderful daughter she is, how lucky I am to have her as my daughter, how smart she is, and what an amazing sister she is.  I let the praises flow out.  Katherine, out of no where I’ll say, "Katherine!"  "What?"  "I LOVE YOU!"  "Thaaank you!" from her sweet not yet 2yo mouth.  She now says "I love you" back, for not reason, and plasters me with a hug 🙂

Tonight I took both girls to McD’s for a treat.  After we came home and they finished eating, I rolled around with them on the floor being silly.  Alyssa said that it was the "best day", aww!

I think as parents we can always strive to do better.  I feel as though I’m a great mom, but I could certainly be so much higher quality one, which I continue to work towards.

HOMESCHOOLING

I made the final decision to homeschool my son this year, he would be entering 4th grade (recap of last year, he basically for what it’s worth, failed 3rd grade).  Once that decision was made though, fear set in.  Will I be able to do this?  Am I going to fail him?  Is this the right choice?  I have no doubt it is, but O-M-G.  He is still down visiting his dad in Oregon, I pick him up this Saturday.  He is going to be so excited!… although he says that my description of what homeschool is going to be like for him sounds worse then school itself 😛  Bet your backside!  No slacking with me! *crack whip* LOL  Unfortunately his dad firmly disagrees with homeschooling.  I have gone back and forth with the choice of telling him ahead of time, regarding the plans Jonah and I have decided on, or waiting for the first series of WASL tests and other testing items he will have completed, and then showing his dad the results from last year vs this year.  I am leaning to the second option.  He will handle the news better when he sees the results of his sons learning having improving, not stalling as he believes would happen (saying that I am not a licensed teacher), as well as the strong social aspects he will be involved with.

I called the homeschool coordinator in this area and will be receiving the papers I need to sign shortly.  I need to talk with the public school to see what programs he can be involved with.  I’d love for him to be part of the before school chest club.  He wants to remain in art class.  I am going to check more into home school groups in this area.  There is the school I taught at last year, but I’m looking more for actual groups where the kids can play and parents can each work with the kids that matches an ability that they have, a few times a week.

I will be signing him up for:

• Piano (Starting in November, private)
• Swimming (Starting in April, semi private)
• Cooking & Sewing (already set, 1 on 1)
• Foreign Language (in addition to ASL, group)
• House Paining (****)
• Computer (learning to build one from the bottom up, group)
• Art (Checking into the school system for this, group)
• Chess or Go (group)
• Baseball or Soccer (some sort of sport, group)

***A guy friend of mine is co-owners of a local painting company, and I’ve cleared with him already that when he’s in the area and things slow down, Jonah will be able to spend a few days experiencing the painting field.  He’s a very hard worker.  He can work this into research and a report also. 

The base program I am using in the Robinson Curriculum, with Saxon Math.  I wont be following it to the T, since they say no TV as well as it being a bible curriculum.  It’s been the very best program I have found, and have been prepared with it for the last three years.

Ok, I admit it, I’m nervous.  LOL

Katherine was spouting off names of colors tonight.

  I love working with her.  I really think she too will flourish as a homeschooled child, but we’ll see when the time comes around.  In the meantime I’ll continue working with her.  Alyssa though, craves the public school atmosphere and so far is flourishing there 🙂  She is SOOOO excited for school to start!  She’ll be in FIRST GRADE!  OMGgoodness.

FRIENDS – Dont conviently forget about a date with a friend, just because you have a date with a girl = potential girlfriend.  When it happens multiple times, it starts to hurt.

Today, I suddenly got a lump in my throat.  I felt hurt and upset and couldn’t figure out why.  I mentioned it to a friend of mine, Jen, a while later and she says, "It’s not from me!!  Ask David!"  Oh the joys of picking emotions up from other people.  David certainly does this too, when Jen started labor a migraine hit him and intensified as her labor progressed.  I spent the evening with him until I headed over to her house at 1am, and he was absolutely miserable.  He certainly was pleased when it was all over, LOL  Anyway, turns out that he is going out on a date Friday.  I am thrilled for him, but what about our plans?  It’s not the first time a date took presidence over a ‘date’ we’ve set, but today was the first time I said anything.  My feelings were most certainly hurt.  The lump in my throat?  Seems to have occured at the time when the date was set.  Atleast I figured out where it came from.  He attempted to reschedule, F that.  I am so done with taking second to potential girlfriends, when we have something already planned.  I had set up childcare, it’s a rarity for me to step outside of my door without little feet right behind me.  I was looking forward to adult interaction without children in tow also, and he is someone I rarely get together with but enjoy my time around. 

Jen and I will still be going, along with a few other friends.  JC (a very dear friend of mine) may be able to make it!  Whoo hooo!!  So, yeeees I know it all happens for a reason, but goodness.  I was careful with the phrasing of my words to him, I didn’t want to guilt trip but wanted to let him know how his choice of actions left me feeling, especially since this is not the first time, while I can also understand his excitement over potential girlfriend dates.  It does though, leave any desire to set up another "date" and set the kids up with childcare much lower.  Oh well.  Everyone has their own quirks.

MISC

I picked up Alyssa’s new bike a few days ago.  She is in heaven!  It’s pink with purple tires, a purple seat, and purple handles with a little purple/clear backpack.  I though she was going to pass out when she saw the bike, lol.  Now, just to get her out on it!!!   I do though, still need to pick her up a bike helmet and she’ll be good to go 🙂

Jen and I were talking about putting in a handbuilt wooden garden out on my back porch for Jonah.  I am seriously considering that.

All the horses are doing well.

Tomorrow I meet up with a friend who I haven’t seen for a while, to braid her hair in some sort of funky pattern with yarn.  I love braiding hair. 

I’ll be picking up a sandbox for Katherine afterwards, to put out on the back porch.  After seeing her play in one a few days ago, I fully agree that she needs one 🙂