That same old empty feeling

I’ve had enough, really this time I have reached a limit. I’m lonely, but not lonely enough to play the turny twisty BS dating when not even dating game.

This is who I am and I guess I can see why no one would want to take a chance no matter how funny or charming. I’m 52 and I was 10x better off when I was 20. No savings, no real home, not too many possessions,  no real plan, and absolutely no retirement.  Oh I had all those, but now a man who did nothing gets to enjoy them with my ex. I’m left with child support payments until I’m mid 60, weird relationship with said children, and some odd mark on my forehead that screams loser.

I thought I had a great job, but that too was ripped away along with a nice apartment. Now I live in a closet and work for young people who talk to me like a child because I use “old” methods to get the same results. Part of my pay is commission, but because they think that I’m not performing like them they take credit for my good and chide me on my bad. Closed 2 loans totalling over 30k yesterday with all the bells and whistles and no one but me, them, and now you will ever know.

I can’t even begin to explain how bad I want to have a cigarette. Absolutely no one cares I quit. I don’t even know why anymore. One little bad habit that brought me joy gone.