Defeated
You ever feel like you are playing the best game of something, doing everything right, only to stop and look around to see no one is even noticing. Then to top it off, when you say anything to them about it, you get a “yeah right” attitude and cold shoulders.
That’s how I feel now. Do I need a party for every milestone? No, but would it hurt to have someone say they are noticing. I could honestly give a shit about myself and smoking. I liked it. I never had the shakes or even a bad extended cough. I smoked all through covid and nothing. I enjoyed a cig with coffee or just enjoying a nice spring day on a bench. I quit for 4 boys who haven’t even said anything. I quit for those around me who bitched and complained. Nothing out of their cake holes either.
I know all these “healthy ” changes were for me, but I have no one to celebrate the “little” victories with anymore and I’m tired of being the lonely guy at the end of the counter.
It’s the same with food. I have really ate nothing but leaves and sticks. Drank nothing but water and coffee. I still feel like shit. I haven’t smoken for 3 months and have ate this way and nothing.
Oh, and work, well that’s going to shit now too. From day one I was thrown in the deep end and told to ask questions if I needed, mistakes happen. Except they don’t and I e been given shit every day. I have several hours of training materials that I have to somehow do without any time allowed to do it. Essentially I’m told to have fun, try something new, enjoy work, but do what I say to do. You have to be as lively and carefree as a 29 and 25 year old. They haven’t been beaten into submission by life like I have. They can enjoy their stupid outlook on shit. Sorry, I’m anxious. In the last 4 years I lost a wife, a home, all my dreams, hopes, and possessions. All my money, 2 jobs for no apparent reason and 2 apartments for no apparent reason. Sorry, when I get a feeling, it just gnaws at me.
Maybe I should have past this job up. Maybe I should have just given away all my shit and lived in my truck.
😔🫂🌈
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Do you have this new job? Maybe there’s something else still out there?
@strawberryjelly I’m not actively searching and still haven’t heard back from the old one. I’m just assuming they probably hired on the sales managers kid to replace me.
No alot of the issues are due to my anxiety, but still they stress so much on the numbers than on the training. I’ll get it…
@newt316 I know you will…we are terrible at training too…they just throw you in here also.
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Well, for what it’s worth I am proud of you for not smoking and for trying to eat right. I know those are not easy things to accomplish, especially under stressful situations. I’m sorry that job isn’t going well. It’s hard being at a job that causes stress and that you just don’t enjoy. Maybe things will get better or another job opportunity will come along.
Hang in there!!
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