So disappointing

Besides the hundreds of other reasons, I found yet one more today.

I have been back to eating like a demented rabbit and trying to “move” around more. For the most part I felt like it was having some sort of difference, but one trusty scale latter and that all went to shit.

Now, it’s about 60° and I am dressed lightly and I still am tipping the scale at 265. The same 265 I was months ago when I felt like a slob. No I haven’t gained muscle weight.

What’s the point? I sit here giving up smoking, giving up pop, giving up food that tastes good. Hardly any carbs or processed junk. I am still just as fat.

I can’t push exercising because my knees are shot. Seriously, I started out walking today, thinking everything felt great. Halfway into the village both of the knees gave out. Currently I am sitting on a bench writing this and waiting for the pain to subside.

I had life figured out. I had a family to help me and I them. Now I’m alone, in pain, lonely and apparently not any skinnier than I was several months ago.