Communication isn’t always easy

Dear Diary,

Today in therapy I told my therapist that it’s really hard for me to express myself. I find myself getting so overwhelmed and anxious that my hands begin to shake. This is not a feeling I wish to have, it’s actually kind of embarrassing. Knowing that every time I want to express some form of emotion my body has a way of responding. When I’m angry I cry, when I’m sad I sleep, when I’m happy I dance, when I’m overwhelmed I shake and my voice beginnings to crack. And I know to some of you this may seem insignificant or no big deal but to me, it only validates this self-deprecating belief I have. That I am broken, damaged beyond repair. I am so terrified of opening up that I would rather live in isolation. I don’t want to be alone but it’s too hard to connect. Every time I share my opinion, ideas, or beliefs people always shut me down. They make me feel stupid or as though my opinion doesn’t matter. They speak to me like I’m nothing. And I know some of you may be thinking but why do care what anyone else has to say? And you’re right I shouldn’t care but when you’re reminded fifty times a day how much of a piece of crap you are, after a while you start to believe it. So why bother expressing who you truly are, if who you truly are is no one worth loving?

Yours Truly