A Sundress and Christmas Magic
Wore a yellow and white sundress out yesterday afternoon, bright sunny yellow windowpanes on a white background, almost a plaid. Every warm sunny day I encounter I keep thinking will be the last of the season. Soft cool breezes distinguish these early fall sunny days from those in summer. Nighttime has been chilly, so I’ve been carrying cardigans around with me. In a few weeks, I’ll switch to blazers. I love a nice snugly fit blazer.
Had a late lunch down the street at the Mount Washington Tavern. We were the only ones in the restaurant. It was lovely. White rose-heads sticking out from tiny white cups lined the windowsills just behind me and my turkey and fried green tomato club sandwich was amazing.
Visited Nordstrom to get William his men’s eye cream from Shiseido and to replace a foundation I’ve always loved. Shiseido is really the best at matching my skin tone. Guess my skintone is more similar to an asian pale than a white girl pale. Maybe it’s the native american in me. Anyway, the Shiseido foundations are different now, so I picked a different type, same shade, which they didn’t have in stock. Went to Macy’s on the other side of the mall to look for it, noted that William was right about the Macy’s Shiseido at that mall not carrying men’s products, and found someone to eventually come over to assist me. She was from another counter, and couldn’t seem to locate any foundations in the drawers. Told me to come back in thirty minutes when the girl working the counter would be back, so I wandered around, went into Victoria’s Secret. Tried on their new slips, which weren’t proportioned for my body, of course, and decided I didn’t feel like being in the mall anymore, even though it was almost empty.
Went home and got on the phone with my mom to order my baby sister Aria’s plane ticket to come visit me this Christmas. A few days ago, I finally worked up the courage to ask my mom if she’d let Aria come visit me, as I’d promised Aria I would. Was nervous about it because the first time I asked her if Maddie, my other sister, could come visit, my mom immediately began screaming at me, texting me nasty insulting messages, and me trying to behave calmly and telling her she should just try to calm down before continuing to say things she might later regret only fueled her fire. She continued to say horrible things to me about me, and I didn’t respond back. Then she didn’t talk to me for several months. Didn’t call on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, though I did leave her messages on a couple of those occasions…Finally called me when something terrible had happened to Maddie and she didn’t know how to deal with her. No apology whatsoever. But I just swallow those things when it comes to my mom, as much as I hate to do that, because I want to have some type of relationship with her, and I know, unfortunate as it is, that I have to be the mature one in my relationship with her, or we won’t end up having one.
But on Sunday, when I asked her for the first time if Aria could come for Christmas, she said it was up to me and Aria. I was ecstatic! I’ve told her many many times in the past that the whole family’s welcome, and then she’d make plans to come and cancel them shortly thereafter every time. So I stopped taking her seriously and told her I’d occasionally pay for one of the girls to come see me if she and they wanted, but made sure she knew the whole family was still welcome. It is much cheaper than airfare for the two of us, hotel expenses, and rental car combined. One plane ticket instead. I’d also never want to visit there for Christmas, because Christmas there, quite frankly, is pretty lame. My mom doesn’t even put up a tree anymore. Here, I put up a huge seven and a half foot tree that barely fits in my apartment, and have so many Hallmark ornaments on it that I can barely accommodate them. Many of them play music when a string is pulled or have a little train moving through lush winter scenery at the push of a button, light up, or have some little cute trick to them. I make tons of various Christmas cookies and a pie or two, cranberry sauce from scratch, and have decorations all over the apartment. And at least half of the time, we have a white Christmas here, as opposed to Christmas in the desert.
When you’re a kid, you have everyone around you– parents, teachers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, so many books, tv programs, popular culture– all contributing to make sure your Christmas feels magical. But as an adult, unless you create some of that magic yourself, it’s likely to feel like an ordinary day that was supposed to be special. So I try to create that magic on my own, and I have to admit, not having to deal with a plethora of family members and sit awkwardly in someone’s crowded noisy house making small talk is a huge relief. And this year, having Aria visit will make it all the more magical. I haven’t seen her in two and a half years.