the whole story

 

So I’ve been putting off writingthis all down but I suppose I should. There has been a whole lot of drama between me and my best friends. On the subject of one girl. 🙁 her name is stevie. and when everything started out she was dating a guy named jeff.  WInslow liked stevie, he thought she was beautiful and funny, she was cheese to his macaroni so to speak. However, she was dating jeff. WInslow first kissed stevie backstage before he went on stage for a show. He told me about it and I started naturally to fuss at him. I told him to wait until things ended with her boyfriend, I told him he would regret it if anything happened before she was single. THis caused a huge division between me and winslow. HE fought me every step of the way and even lied a little which was completely heartbreaking at the time. But on night i went out onto a lake near winslows house, and i sat there and i thought and thought.

I realized that some people are very difficult. That some people have to learn things on their own. You can tell them the answer yourself but for one reason or another they wont listen or they wont want to listen, it is at this point that you want to fight them and force them to listen to you, but you just can’t. The only thing you can do is let them make there mistakes and promise to be there for them when they finally learn. And if you truly love the person who is learning, then you will do your best to be patient with them, and hold back your "i told you sos" it was a great revelation that i had here. but then, i had to question myself. "what if the process of him learning, actually hurt me too?" well that too can be answered with love. Because if you love someone, you are willing to endure all pains for them as long as it helps them in the end. Hell, jesus h. christ endured death and more for us because he knew the outcome would be better.

So I sat back and kept my mouth shut for a long time. Up until i learned that my other best friend, Lopez, was also becoming involved with stevie. I also discovered that stevie had no intention of ever being with winslow. I found out from her and lopez seperately that she only wanted winslow until she met lopez, the more she got to know winslow the more she hated being around him. At the same time she couldnt stop thinking about lopez. she started making out with lopez and cuddling with him. they ahd long conversations until 3 am, all the while stevie is still leading winslow on because, get this- she doesn’t want to hurt him.  I found all of this out and i warned him again. He wasn’t having it, he didnt listen and in fact he got very angry with me. He refused to talk to me at points and our sex became non-exsistant. I was very upset about this but I continued keep my mouth shut aside from the occasional, remark here and there, which still of course made him angry. I felt like i was losing my best friend. . . . . what could be worse.

I decided it was time to get drunk. I got a bottle of grand melon and a bottle of 151 an d went to winslows to share the juice. OF COURSE  winslow had stevie come along too because he still wanted things to work with her. THis pissed me off in a huge way considering the things i knew. But i shut up and poured the drinks.  I got so shitfaced that i started speaking in verse. shakespearian verse. . . . . yep i was gone.

so was winslow incendentally, considering what i told him had begun to sink in and he noticed things himself. He got considerablly more drunk than i and proceeded to drink more. At one point in the night winslow caught the two of them together, jsut talking but extremely close and in very hushed tones.

My dearest winslow, the closest friend i have ever had and one of the most important people in my world . . . began to cry. I was filled with a monsterous fury. So much hate and anger swelled up inside of me. I wanted to beat this girl within an inch of her life. I wanted to strangle her and gag her with everything i could find. She had hurt my friend, she had caused him pain enough for tears. winslow doesn’t cry. winslow hasent cried in four years. needless to say. . . i hated her now. WInslow went to the bathroom and I followed him there, he buried his head in my chest and started to cry again. Winslow is 210. i am 140 . . . . i couldnt hold him up and we both fell. winslow fell into the tub and smashed his head on rock hard soap dish juting out from the wall. there was much blood.  there was a fuckton of blood. he just smiled and said "that bitch hurt me" I told him he fell and when he saw his blood he laughed and wiped it on the wall. I hated her more with every second that passed.

The next day when the alcohol had worn off, we took, winslow to the hospital. while he was there, in the hospital, for his head injury, STEVIE AND LOPEZ WERE FUCKING!

needless to say i was angry. . . . I don’t know if i am just protective of winslow or i have an easily upset morality meter.

Well lopez had no intention of telling winslow, but he told me. he told me everything the next day while we were driving up to raleigh. As he layed out the story moment by moment and answering my questions as they sprang up, i became incredibly quiet and calm. anyone who knows me knows that when i get quiet, thats when im really truly angry. fearsomely so. I was quiet all night at winslows. I was very quiet on the phone with lopez days before. And now in the car i was silent. When his story finally concluded and he had assured me almost a thousand times that i was much better at giving head than her, i spoke. I was slow and i chose every syllable very carefully.  I told I was happy that he did it.

i know how that sounds but its true. I saw how this could finally be a good thing. Lopez’s fucking stevie would be the final proof that winslow needed to see that she wasn’t worth his time. Lopez looked at me and said "you wont tell him will you?" I said " I am not going to lie to anyone" he said "ok but you wont bring it up will you? " I said ok and now i had to wait until winslow asked me about it. fat chance, why would he ever expect anything like that? why would he think that his best friend fucked the girl he liked while he was in the hospital? So that night while playing video games with winslow i dropped a few hints and sighed heavily a few times. Winslow finally bit and asked me straight up what i knew. THANK GOD! the perfect question to be answered with the whole truth. I told him everything i knew and asked him not to tell lopez that i had told him, because i wanted to be able to get more information from lopez. I wanted to tell winslow absolutely everything. So I told him what i knew and then talked to lopez the next day. I told him that winslow knew and that he wuld be better off to tell winslow himself everything that happened.

WEll he did. . . . not. he lied to winslow and told him half the truth.

I’m tired of typing now so i guess I’ll just sum up with lopez lied to winslow at every chance he got and then i told winslow the truth directly following so lopez’s lies were pretty hollow.

Lopez and stevie are dating now and me and winslow are mildly irritated by that fact. I want to slowly melt her face with a bic lighter. . . .. .

ALSO lopez still has one standing lie that i havent reve

aled to winslow. But i guess after i write this i will tell him. Its far enough down the line it doesnt matter anymore. He lied about stevie and jeff breaking up before they did anything.  In fact stevie lied about almost everything involving jeff. Stevie broke up with jeff shortly after she started dating lopez. but not before. . . . . so there you go. . . . LIES

 

k well thats the whole story and thats why i was so sad about a week ago. I’m doing better now. It was this whole set of events however that made me realize how lonely i am. How much i would really like to have what winslow thought he had.  I miss having some to say "i love you" to a thousand times a day if i so please.

I feel like motherfucking Cyrano de Bergerac. . . . . .. which is incidentally my second favorite play.

However- I will have to assume the role of beatrice from my favorite play- much ado about nothing.

I will not be fitted with a husband until god make men of some other metal than earth.

SINGLE AM I UNTIL THE DAY THAT I DIE

kiss the frog!