eight lives down now

a dead cat bounces
when you drop it
if it’s cold enough
at least a little bit
that’s how I feel

not like I’m dropping cats
like I am that cat

that is the term
“the dead cat bounce”
the idea that when you bottom out
when you really hit the limit end
you naturally rise up a little after that
just out of sheer momentum
like the elastic skin
of a dropped dead cat

I thought that coming home
to the only people who’d take me in
and left alone
and unable to find work
I thought that was my bottom out
and I’ve been waiting over a year
for my dead cat bounce
my dead cat bounce
my bounce

but it turns out
that leaving New York
was the bottom
and having somewhere to go
where I’d be taken in and fed
and yes berated
and yes suffocated
and yes yes directionless
without opportunity
without a prayer of momentum
that was the bounce
this was the bounce
caged up and aimless
this was the bounce

and now I must admit
I don’t know what the fuck to do