1/5/14 barrage pt 2

1.) A cocaine delivery service called Instagram.

2.) I want an alliance of small town mayors to exist so that they can call it The Itty-Bitty City Committee.

3.) All you drinkers who had to watch Amateur Night disasters on New Years Eve, now you know why I don’t prank on April Fools Day.

4.) If she had diamonds on the soles of her shoes, does that mean she was leaving a significant carbon footprint?

5.) Wandering around, changing all the “Art Gallery” signs to read “Art Gallifrey” instead.

6.) And then he ran away/because she’s a Belieber/without a doubt she’s out of her mind/running scared/cuz she’s a Belieber even though she’s 35.

7.) It’d be a lot easier to ask ladies out if I was better at gauging age by eye. I’m afraid of coming off as a creepy old guy I don’t even try.

8.) “Sweet Home Chicago” seamlessly segueing into the theme from the 1960s “Batman” theme.

9.) It’s called NapChat. Whenever someone asks you for nude pictures, it disables their computer for being a tacky weirdo.