new years eve-eve-eve 2

1.) A barbershop quartet of priests called A Frock of Seagulls.

2.) I basically only pay attention to football if Buffalo or Syracuse are any good anymore so I don’t have to pay attention to football anymore.

3.) In the final episode of MURDER SHE WROTE, Jessica Fletcher is dying in pain and Dr. Kevorkian puts her out of her mystery.

4.) I’m not going to write a book about the Long Island Medium but if I did, it would be entitled “Charlatan’s Web”.

5.) Imagine if Wall Street took all that lobbying money they give to politicians and instead used it to pay their goddamn taxes.

6.) And then the scales came off my eyes and I realized how similar Weezer’s career arc is to what’s happened to the American dream.

7.) All the shingles ladies/all the shingles ladies/all the shingles ladies/IF YOU HAD THE CHICKEN POX THERE’S A CHANCE YOU CAN GET IT

8.) The moment one quits OKCupid, her or his depression instantly gets 17% better. It’s a sciencetific fact.