Brain is doing it again
I don’t think I ever learned how to stay in an upbeat mood. I was all good until 5 minutes ago and it just snuck in. The doubt, loneliness, and pure terror I feel about being me. It’s like someone just through a weighted blanket over me and not in that relaxing huggy way, more like a scary suffocating way. My mind has instantly been thrown into panic mode at 9:30 at night when there isn’t anything I can do about anything.
I wasn’t lying when I said that the ex was the only person or thing that helped me not dread like this. I told my therapist last week I wish I could shut down and have someone live my life for me for a week or two, to get it back on track for me. I’m at the frustrated lash out and make it all worse stage.
When it gets like this, I can’t regulated my head. No music, meditation, or activity helps. I know it passes, but it sucks so bad getting through. This is where a nice chat would help. I really wish I was a bar person. Not sure if it would help, the world has made me feel like a creep lately when I attempt to talk to another. God I miss cigarettes.
When I get like that I talk to God. Sometimes helps, sometimes not. I also talk to my mom in heaven. Sometimes it helps, sometimes not. Sometimes writing in this journal helps because people read it. Even if they don’t respond. Sometimes they respond. Or I read other people’s journals and pray for them. Sometimes I take 2 Tylenol pm ‘s and read or watch something dumb until I fall asleep. Hope you get some sleep.
Warning Comment
i totally understand the emotions can get overwhelming and lonely but the best thing that helps me is something like this platform to release all emotions and let it all out of my system as for drawing which helps me relax or reach out to a friend in need.just thought id say your not alone i totally get you
Warning Comment
Is your tummy better?
I wish your meds could be tweaked to help you feel better. They are supposed to help all of what you describe. It doesn’t erase the pain but it’s supposed to help with the depression.
I used to try meditating for stress and yoga. It helped some…not sure if you would enjoy or if it would help.
*hugs* to you.
Warning Comment
I have moments like that…I understand what you are talking about with the weighted blanket reference. For me I literally lose my breath for a bit the anxiety is so bad. God, I hate anxiety.
Warning Comment