Saturday 1/14/23
5:08a.m. I had two nice aides who got me in bed at 10:30 last night. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep I slept wellnexcept forwards morning. Both knees started to hurt thanks to arthritis. They hurt like hell and kept me up until the aides got me out of bed at five. So I’m above the dirt.
I’m not feeling well. I’m coming down with a another cold. I’ve been doing a lot of coughing and had a lot of nazel draining. Also. I can’t talk. I think I’m coming down with larngitis In addition every bone in my body aches.
All of this plus going through a bad depressive episode is just too much. I wish I can just go to bed and stay there for the duration.
7:01a.m. I was half awake until they served drinks. Also., a very nice aide massaged my shoulders. I said that made my day. I had two coffees and a glass of orange juice. Both the massage and coffee lifted my spirits somewhat. I hope a good breakfast will also do the trick.
8:04a.m. I had the usual for breakfast, two slices of toast, cold scrambled eggs and oatmeal cereal. I was ate the eggs despite their being cold. Beggers can’t be picky. At least the coffee was hot.
Breakfast must of went right through me. I need my briefs changed because I’m sitting in urine and feces. I r Ang the call light. An aid answered said something then left. I do not know if she is coming back. This kind of treatment is par for the course. So it looks like I am going to have a shitty time with the aides
My mood had improved somewhat. I do not feel so tired and sleepy or depressed. Breakfast, despite it being lousy , did the trick. Food always improves mood I’m an emotional eater
I haven’t thought too much of Chocolatechip this morning. I dwelt on this subject long enough. It is starting to feel like I’m beating a dead horse. I’ll probably never get over her dumping me. But I can’t see letting these thoughts of the breakup roll around and around in my hear It is time to put a period at then end of the sentence and move forward. But this is easier said than done.
I do need to refocus my thinking. I had a lot of therapy with CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Simply put thoughts control feelings. It is not the “outside” event that control our feelings. It is our thinking For example, I am thinking the break up is the end of the world. This is irrational thinking that is causing me to have very negative thoughts that are making me sick. I can’t change what happened. But I can change what I think about being dumped.
I need to practice this and keep it in mind. CBT will help me get over this latest set back. And I need to move forwarded because this is beginning to be a dead issue Dwelling and dwelling on it is definitely not healthy.
But it is so hard I struggle with it every day. I wake up feeling strong thinking this is the end of it.By the end of the day I’m a mess.i keep thinking about her and thinking about her. At this point I am in a state of absolute misery. It is like being trapped inna very vicious cycle.
12:56p.m. I just had lunch. I had two pork chops,roasted potatoes and mixed veggies.For desert I had chocolate pudding. Then I had two coffees and a chocolate milk. I enjoyed my meal and feel a lot better.,
I would like to start reading my book. But I’m due for physical therapy soon. They came shortly after breakfast and said they would take me down. I haven’t seen them since. I am assuming they will come after lunch . This seems to be the regular time. Way I’ve been feeling with this danged cold I hope they don’t come.
4:11p.m. No PT today. I didn’t do any reading because I slept most of the afternoon. They say sleep is good for a cold anyway. I got plenty of rest today. During my rest I developed a very sore throat. I also have a very bad headache So much for sleep ad a currative for a cold.
9:36p.m. I couldn’t eat supper for being too sick. Then I fell asleep. I just woke up.I’m going back to bed