There has to be a way

I remember a long time ago when I was a teenager that I couldn’t wait to be an adult and on my own. I was going to go into the Airforce and make something of myself.

That didn’t happen and I chose another path but I still remember. So why can’t I get it wrapped around my head that it’s ok, somewhat, to be in the situation I’ve been in for almost 4 years.

I want to claim bankruptcy, well I don’t but it’s kind of where things are at. The things is if I do and I lose everything I am in no real position to come back from it. I will lose the truck that is seriously getting to a point where it’s going to break but is my only way to get anywhere and that’s the only thing keeping me from claiming.

How did I get in this spot? Why did I not fight for what’s mine? Why did I just concede? No wonder anybody doesn’t want to be in my life, all they see is a loser. I just come off as a “poor me” bitch boy eventhough shit just keeps happening to me. I didn’t lose my job, it was taken from me. I didn’t lose my house, family, and relationships, they were taken or left. I do and have admitted my part, but that’s like saying I threw the rock in the ocean and then a wave crashed into an orphanage.