Sunday 1/8/23

7:33a.m.I’m up and sill above the dirt. The aides put me to bed at a decent hour last night. I still didn’t sleep very well. I got to thinking about Chocolatechi and all the fun things we did. It made me sad. We , or at home least what I thought, had to a very good relationship. We had our ups and downs but it was good for the most part. At least I thought it was good.

The breakup comes as a major blow. But I am tough and strong. I learned not to let anything keep me down for too long. I will survive and come bouncing back. I might be alone in my old age but that will not stop me from living. I have books for to keep me company I will be ok. 

I started reading a new book. This one is Restless Giant: The United States from Watergate to Bush v Gore by James T Patterson. I read the Prologue and half of the first chapter. Here. the author discuses Nixon resigning and the first da,s of the Ford Administration.  Thought it very interesting. I remember that era very well. I read until the aides put one to bed.

I had a very rough last night and early this morning. In her defense she does a good job. I got a nice sponge bath I was in my chair by five. I just just wish she had a nicer attitude. Oh well it takes all kinds I guess.

I slept in my wheelchair until breakfast. I had pancakes, scrambled eggs, oatmeal, hot cereal, coffee and oj. Breakfast was good. Life is good 

5:37p.m. I slept most of the day. I tried reading my book but fell asleep. I guess sleeping is another way of excaping the terrible loss.By sleeping away my problems I do not have to face the pain.

I have been going back and forth. I feel strong and tough one minute then I cave. I would love to call her and beg Chocolatechip to take me back. I miss her terribly. I am hurting so bad over this shit I do not think I will ever get over this breakup. No amount of reading or sleeping can ease this loss. 

I still have a good appetite. I love food. Eating also helps. One thing about this nursing home is the good meals. I had a hot roast beef sandwich and mashed potatoes with gravy for supper. I had a cup of fruit for desert. Then I had two cups of hot coffee and a fruit drink. Like I said I might feel like dying but I don’t want to go hungry.

I feel a bit better after a good meal. I’m awake now. I am going to escape for a while with my audiobook Restless Giant. I wish I can close by saying life is good. It isn’t good. Life bites you in the butt when you least expect it. I have to learn to deal with whatever situation I find myself facing. 

9:33p.m. I have been reading my book Restless Giant: Then United States from Watergate to Bush v Gore by David James T Patterson. I’m on Chapter 3. It’s about politics in the yb9:30mid 70s. I was feeling relaxed and doing good. Then I started thinking about Chocolatechip. I started to get depressed. Then I struggled to stay awake. Aides came toPut me to bed by 9:30 I feel very tired but I want to stay up and read.