Thursday Afternoon 1/5/23

5:09p.m. This is a very hard entry to write. Chocolatechip wants to break up with me. At least that is the impression I got from our last phone conversation . We were talking around 11 this morning. She said she has as been doing a lot of thinking. If I remember right Chocolatechip said that she has as been “leaning” on me too much. She said that she has been depending on me, her friend Don from Steubenville and her sister Elaine to solve her problems. Chocolatechip said she wants to stand on her own two feet and stand up to her tormentors in the building. She said she will not be able to do this if she keeps depending on others .

Chocolatechip went on to say that she does not want to discuss the subtle bullying or late night harrasement. She also does not want to listen to my problems with the nursing home. She said she gets sick and angry over how they treat me at times. She said she feels so frustrated because she cannot do anything to stop it.  We both cannot  get better until we learn to depend on ourselves more.

She wants some “space.” She said she needs to be by herself for awhile. Chocolatechip said I am always welcome to call. The trouble is we spend most of our time complaining about our problems. I Am afraid our mutual problems were the common bond that kept us together. Also, I think this space thing just another way of saying goodbye. 

Chocolatechip may just need time to herself. But I was really hurt. I took it to mean the big Goodbye for good I was already having a shitty day. I did not need this  on top of everything else. When I got there news I felt like crawling into bed and never getting back up

But I went about my business. I paid the nursing home $583. I bought more books. I bought a three volume set called Liberation Trilogy by Rick Atkinson. This is about the North African and European theaters during WWIi. I also bought a book by Robert Dallek called The Lost Peace. Then I bought an audiobook called Democracy by Condalezza Rice .Thilj makes sixteen books this month plus my rent. I have $1.50

I didn’t want to go but I went to physical therapy. I did the usual routine. I stood for over three minutes. Also I had spaghetti and green beans for lunch. I slept for a couple hours. I talked to Chocolatechip for awhile but we didn’t have much to say. For dinner I had potato salad and an egg salad sandwich. I wasn’t too hungry tonight

I’m going to listen to my book Grand Expectations tonight. I’m not going to let this bother me. I will always love Chocolatechip and my door will always be open to het. But I can’t let myself get too sick over this latest set back.