Ohhhh Christmas…

Christmas is complete. Returning to the real world tomorrow.

Once upon a time, I loved Christmas. I dreamt of the perfect Christmas. Literally, fantasies of beautiful families, gorgeous houses, laughter, fun, games. Who in the hell was I kidding? My life is NOT a Hallmark Movie. It’s never been. It never will be. Maybe a Lifetime Movie?

It was a crazy few days. The government decided it was too cold out and thus I should stay home from the state job. Uhhh, when did we care about weather? Negative 50 windchill is normal in the winter so I’m still confused.  I stayed home. I loved it. Work is going to suck twice as much tomorrow.

Max worked every day. Of course. He always gets the holiday work shifts. Another drawback of not having “your own kids”. Everybody else gets that line. He reminded me it’s extra money. I reminded him the world sucks.

So, I worked Saturday waiting tables. If I had to say Merry Christmas one more time… For real. It was fine. Uneventful. Money. No complaints. (My boss would have given me the day off but I have an amazing sitter and her family was probably more fun for M than myself.) I was off by 1:15 and home to nap with M.

We spent Christmas Eve with my bosses family. M did great. They do appetizers for the night and it was amazing. I had hoped to open a couple gifts with him but he was DONE and we went to bed.

Christmas Morning – M and I some more. Santa brought him his stocking and he LOVED it. I know I said I wasn’t putting myself through a visit with his parents but I just can’t be that big of a dick. I let them come do a visit from 10-12. It was okay. M cried when they got here. Like sad they came. Ugh. He warmed up and played. They opened gifts with him that CPS gave them to give him. (Which still annoys me as they both have jobs and could have afforded to buy their own and put forth effort to get him age appropriate things he liked.) They left. He took a nap. I cleaned and got stuff ready for dinner.

We again went to my bosses for Christmas Dinner. It was amazing. A ton of fun. Chaotic. Doable. M again did great.

Then we went home. FaceTimed M’s Grandma so she could watch him open her gifts. He could have cared less. He doesn’t grasp wrapping paper and does NOT care to open them. We finished with her and I opened the rest of his ridiculous pile. I’m super grateful for the agencies and people that  donate to foster kids but it’s insane. He got WAY more than he needed. Twenty or more toys doesn’t fix his parents or his neglect. It’s actually overwhelming, overstimulating and does quite the opposite. I should have just left them wrapped and did one a day. (Dead serious.) Then I slowly put them away while he sat in the hall with one. This kid cracks me up. Yep dude, too much stuff. He’s seriously set tho. He got everything he could ever possibly want or need. Today he was thrilled with it all but still didn’t know where to begin. His toy organizer comes tomorrow and I can’t wait to put it together and just give him a little cubby with toys a time. If/When he goes home he has everything he needs.

Didn’t hear from my “mom”. Didn’t expect to. She has no reason to. She’s still the victim. It’s allll me.  I had therapy Thursday and we were talking about a random thing. Guess I’d never told her before. She said she didn’t know that and it shows there has been “conditions” to my moms love/giving since day 1. Yep. Always. I did text my stepdad. He didn’t respond. Seriously. Nothing. I shouldn’t be shocked but I am. And yes, it hurts.  NONE of my relatives sent their normal Christmas Cards either. None. Zero. I should have knew this was coming. Nobody will be allowed to talk to me if she isn’t the center of it. Sigh. Oh well. I need to just accept my Lifetime Movie status within my own “family” and move on. (It’s slightly hard to accept that not a single person in your entire extended family acknowledges the holiday with you. But hey, my ex-stepMIL sent a card. She’s the winner obviously.)

It was great not having to cook giant meals two days in a row  I’ve literally cooked for every Eve and Day in my adult life. Minus 2010 as my mom wasn’t talking to me then either  and they never brought anything. Just me – slave away, feed assholes, assholes leave, clean. Repeat. My boss does the main course and then everyone brings something. It was amazing. For real. I didn’t know that happened in “real” life and not just the movies.

Next add in – If our transfer would have worked we’d of been 9-10 weeks pregnant and add some great Christmas pregnancy announcements at both my boss’s house and Facebook. Yep, enough for me. Happy Not Knocked Up Christmas to me!

Next year – next year I’ll work on creating my own Hallmark Christmas. This year I needed to just adjust to no crazy ex-husband, no crazy ex-in-laws, no crazy mom, no biological family, no baby or pregnancy of my own. And well, basically being an orphan. Next year – Baby or not – I’ll do better. Technically in Hallmark Movies it’s a lot of friend events and parties and holidays and random strangers joining. Merry Friendsmas? (Or I’ll just stick to my boss and being adopted.)

Now I better go sleep so I can cram all of last weeks work into tomorrow. Ugh.