What a Feeling…

For my whole life I was okay with being fat, I mean I did seem to have the personality the people loved and were drawn to so making friends and socializing was never an issue, but as I have grown up and friends have become few and the weight has piled on, the idea of being healthy, fit and sexy became just a dream and something that was just too hard and far for me to reach.

I am sure I have always known that the world is a cold place, everyone out for themselves and people are only your friends when it suits them, and those that stick around do have their own lives to live and keep up with and I guess I failed to keep up with theirs and make mine worthy to share it with them.

The other day, even though my husband and his sister were in the exact same house as me, I felt so alone and found myself crying in the shower.

But over the last few days I have told myself that I need to follow through with what I said a few months ago and live for myself.

It may suck if this may mean that I will die alone or that I may never have kids, but right now with this new perspective, with this body that is going through changes; I am at my happiest.

It is amazing how good I feel, and it has only been a week since the operation, and I have only lost about +/- 5kg.

But I am SLEEPING better, GETTING UP better, WALKING with a pep in my step, I am HAPPIER within myself, I am looking forward to my leave from work so I can get out and enjoy the Sun and Summer and Friends and Family.

Before the op I bought a few new tops, and I am wearing one of them today and made the effort to look good even though I was just coming to work. But I feel good.