Autumn is a time of cool days and nights and happy memories, but also it is the most sadly wistful time of the year for me
The air has been cool and crisp. Autumn has fully descended, and I love the memories and associations of this time of year. I like to eat pumpkin muffins and honey crisp apples. I walk out on the porch to get some fresh air and it feels so wonderful, a cool tonic to the spirit. The crepe myrtles should be just about bare now in the garden of the house downtown where I lived for so many years, opening up the clear, blue skies I’d gaze up at as I rocked on my beloved front porch.
I think one of the reasons I’ve always liked Autumn is that I am such a romantic and idealist at heart. I dream too often perhaps of what might have been: the smoky smell of burning leaves that I have raked into a big pile in the front yard of my old, white clapboard country house, the one with the big wrap-around porch. There’s a fire in the fireplace, the sofa is full of books and magazines to read, a cup of hot chocolate waits, steaming on top of the wicker table on the porch. The sounds of children laughing and playing in the distance fill the air, dogs bark occasionally, and birds vie for a place in the birdbath, joyfully splashing each other…. I am alone, an old man.
This was a brief snapshot my life as I once envisioned it. Now, years later, there is no country house and wrap-around porch, but there is an old man, alone with his thoughts this late October evening. All I hear are the wind chimes tinkling away from their perch on the balcony. A cool wind is blowing. I’ll soon be out on that balcony, thinking deep and somewhat sad thoughts as I rock in the same chair that’s been a friend for 25 years.
But I’ll think also about how grateful I am for my loving family, many rich and varied job experiences, and the friends who have made my life so much more satisfying and rewarding. They may not be physically present anymore, but they are always here with me in spirit. Late in life, you think a lot about these things.
I’ve been out and about capturing Autumn with my camera. The brilliant colors are there if you know where to look for them. They can be as fleeting as my moods this Fall, and maybe that’s a good thing.
Autumn,South Carolina Lowcountry
https://www.flickr.com/gp/camas/2Ej5u8Zz83
I share your bittersweet enjoyment of fall, Oswego. I also am old and alone, the more so now since I’ve finally faced the fact that my children aren’t a part of my life. But I’ve also had a marvelous life, with many wonderful adventures and friends along the way, and although my life is no how I envisioned it would be, I have my house, and I have enough. And besides, it’s fall and the leaves are turning and the mornings are definitely chilly and next week we’ll have showers then temps in the 60s . . . who could ask for anything more?
@ghostdancer I love your spirit and attitude. I may be old and alone, but I’m generally content and grateful because this solitary life is really all I’ve ever known, except for the years I was caregiving for Mom.
A bit too much of a contrast between then and now, but I’ve adjusted.
I’m sorry for your estrangement from your children. Not having any myself, I can’t imagine how painful that could be, but you have faced up to the realities and have moved forward with a life well lived.
Are there possibilities for reconciliation with your children?
There is so much to be grateful for and I am absolutely loving the glorious Autumn weather and leaf colors.
https://www.flickr.com/gp/camas/e728Rws812
@oswego I suppose there’s a chance of reconciliation, but I’m not counting on it. They both seem to be so intent on their own lives that they just don’t have time or thought for me. I understand the being busy part: at one point in my life I was working full time, going to college full time, raising two teenagers and President of the Santa Cruz Archaeological Society. But I always found time to go see my folks. Maybe only once a month although I tried for more often, just to sit & visit for a while. So I’m thinking the least mine could do is call once in awhile. I once told my son “If it’s up to you to find me if I’ve fallen & can’t get up, I’ll be mummified by the time you do.” Kind of a joke, but not really . . .😔
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Loved your pictures…especially the purple leaves with the pink flower on them…beautiful!!
@happyathome Thank you! Not a day passes that I’m not out taking photos somewhere!
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