In Love and Confused

Hello People:

In my last entry I was so sad.  Things are much better now.  After that "break-up" I cried everyday for a week.  It was so hard for us.  It has not really lasted which leaves me more confused.  We tried the break, didn’t work.  I love him and he loves me but he is just not ready.  I feel like although I love him and we are always together or talking or texting that I still have to loook out for me.  I can’t keep doing this only for us to "break-up" again in a month. 

I told him I would be honest with him if I decided to date someone else but I cannot even imagine being interested in someone else right now.  He always says I am EVERYTHING and when he gets ready and gets himself and his fears together he is pulling out all the stops to make sure we are together but I wish he would get he is everything to me too.  I am scared of losing him but I fear being hurt.  I feel like if I date someone else it will keep me from going insane during the times when we are not together and my mind starts to wander.  He is not interested in dating anyone else but he doesn’t know when he will be ready and although I feel he is worth the wait, I feel I have to explore my options.

I cannot imagine my life without him in it, but my heart can only take so much.  I am not interested in dating loosers they would have to be on his level at least which is pretty high.  I am confused and pondering exploring my options.  He would be jealous and hurt but he told me he knows he is not ready and with that there is a pissibility that I could and would date someone else.  He told me he is scared of loosing me and ro be honest I am scared too but maybe I need to test the waters.  If we are meant to be..we will be.  It’s so crazy, we talk evey night and see each other about twice a week and tell each other we love each other every night and everything like we re together it would be wierd to date someone else.  It would feel like cheating. 

I don’t know, maybe I will see what’s out there.  What do you all think.

Thanks for reading!