I Feel like Sh*t!

I don’t know…I just feel like sh*t today.  Yeah I am PMSing but so what!

Bert- I don’t know he is just the way he is but I think..well I don’t think I know that sex kind of makes females attached or expecting more.  We had a little fight on Friday..very small but I didn’t call him back in turn he didn’t call me back Saturday or Sunday.  I was tripping but not really because I know he will eventually call.  I am sick of this petty sh*t with him and I just don’t know.  Sometimes, I regret we had sex, other times I don’t.  I mean it was good, it was what we both wanted.  Whatever!  I know he is just being a dude but that drives me crazy.  I like him and I want to be there for him and when we are together it’s great but when we are not I am unsure and that sucks. Maybe we will talk today, who knows, we need to have a face to face talk and I want him to just be completely open and honest with me and stop shutting me out.  He is always worried that I will be disappointed in the "real him" and he really wants someone that will love him unconditionally or "love him no matter what he does" as he puts it.  I don’t know what kind of issues he has but he needs to talk to me.  The calls every now and then are not working and the bullsh*t apologies are even worse.  I need to talk to him as well and just call him out on the sh*t that bothers me instead of acting like it’s not a big deal, like I said we need to talk.

Friday- Work was crazy.  My boss b*tches over everything and although I like being in Managment , it sucks.  You always have to worry about what someone else is doing and when they f*ck up, you get the heat too, I hate that.  I was soo glad to leave work on Friday, but I stressed about the whole thing this weekend.  I hated to wake up and come here today.   I don’t want to be a quitter but sometimes I wish I could find something else.  The boss is a complete asshole sometimes and it is his company so what can I do?  Nothing..I can Suck it up and pray about it. 

Mark- He used to work with me, we talk every now and then but when we talk it’s always for at least two hours and it is very cool.  When we were at my old job we never talked outside of work but like once or twice and after I left we talk.  He is very cute, with a lot going for himself.  We flirt but that is where it ends.  He called me last night and it was definitely a pleasant surprise.  Especially since Bert couldn’t pick up the phone. Mark is a good guy and would definitely be a good distraction from Bert but I think I will have some of the same issues.  Mark wants a relationship but he knows he is way to busy to commit to a relationship and that whole in between phase makes me crazy. So, sometimes I am like why even let myself start.  Mark is in the process of getting his Masters’, he works full-time and now on top of all that, he is traveling and training all over the U.S. with this Oracle stuff and he is very busy.  I don’t know. 

Steve- I have been really giving him the cold shoulder lately and it is amazing how guys start to act like you want them to when you show them you are not putting up with their sh*t.  The millions of phone calls all night long have been irking me, it’ s so crazy. He acts like a stalker sometimes.  Anyway, now he gets that if he wants to talk to me, he needs to call me at a decent time or he will get no conversation.

I am done ranting!  Thanks for reading!