Catching Up!

My emotions go up and down and left and right non stop.  It’s crazy.  Just part of being a woman I guess.  This week I call myself not really thinking about Steve.  That means I have been ignoring the calls and just being extremley standoffish.  Any little thing he has ever done makes me want to just get mad at him now even though he hasn’t really done anything lately to piss me off. 

I also call myself wanting Jay and I to talk about what happened , whose fault it was and just  get everthing out in the open and express all of our feelings.  I guess it’s crazy to be that way because I know I don’t want to get together with him , maybe I just want to hear how much he still loves me or something.  It’s selfish and I know it, I just feel lonely and need to feel loved..like romantic love not like the unconditional love that God, my mom and other family members and friends have for me.

I also was really pissed off at work earlier this week and found myself wondering did I make the right decision to leave my previous job.  The next day I felt I made the right decision.  I just get sooo crazy around this time of the month.  I probably need to be medicated.  Not to mention , how scared I was of the movie (Exorcist of  Emily Rose).  I am just now getting over that sh*t.  I mean and I have not spent the night in my house alone yet since the movie so, I don’t even know.

My sister calls me today and tells me she just saw Eddie(ex-fling who is soo married).  Anyway, he told her he was upset with me and gave her all his numbers to give to me and blah blah.  Anyway, as she was telling me , she sees him again and I told her to give him the phone.  I talked to him, it was nice. I had a big smile on my face and I wondered how could such a scandalous person/ relationship make me smile. He told me he was not speaking to me but he still loved me. I guess he didn’t appreciate me cutting him off.  Whatever!  He asked me why I haven’t invited him to see the house and blah blah.  Anyway, I told him he could come see the house and he asked when and anyway to make a long story short, my sister had to go so we ended the conversation, but not before he reminded me that he gave my sister all his numbers to give me.  I don’t know if she gave him my numbers or not.  I don’t plan on going down that road with Eddie again.  I have done a good job not letting temptation get the best of me where he is concerned.  Not to mention he is STILL married with a 2 year old son and a new daughter on the way.  I could sit and talk about what a piece of sh*t he is for trying to get with me still but it takes two to tango and I have not been innocent in this at all.  I should not have even told my sister to let me talk to him, I admit that.  I would like for us to be cool but I don’t think we can handle it.   

Other than that, I feel at ease and like everything is great.  I am blessed I know that.  I still look up and know that I will find Mr. Right who will love me uncconditionally and be that man I need to spend the rest of my life with and make a wonderful family. 

Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated.