The Entry that took a Turn

Hello:

 Things are cool.  My hormones have “chilled” a little so I am not extremely lonely, or horney or jealous or whatever emotion is amplified during those crazy times of the month. LOL!

 I talked to Steve and Jay yesterday.  Nothing worth discussing really.  Jay and I are JUST FRIENDS so we talk every now and then and that’s cool.  Steve and I will probably hook up this week.  I know he wanted to come over last night and I sort of wanted him too but I will make him sweat it out a little.  

 My sister saw Bert, the new baby and the Baby’s Mama.  I couldn’t believe when she called me on my cell to tell me.  She talked to him briefly and he told her to tell me hello.  I guess it’s cool that I don’t have to see him everyday but that also means I don’t get to see him everyday or talk to him.  We said our goodbyes and had a long heartfelt talk before I left.  Even though, we both said we would keep in touch I know deep down inside he doesn’t have the time to put into me and he doesn’t want to complicate an already complicated situation.  Part of me wants him too but of course that’s the selfish part of me.  It’s the crazy part of me.  One of my best OD friends told me that I like to be in relationships with drama, because I like to fix things that are broken.  At first, I didn’t agree but the more I evaluate my life and relationship choices I have to agree.

 I also think that is why I am not successful in my relationships because those same people that I want to fix are the same people who need to feel needed and important and they need that person in their life they can fix or that person who needs them and usually I don’t need them for anything accept maybe to make me cum, feel pretty or to make me feel like I am not alone.  Those are not good reasons to be in a relationship, I know that but the physical part of me needs that.  This entry has taken a turn I wasn’t really prepared for but it feels great to express these things.

 I went to a Formal event on Saturday night for my Pastor and his wife’s anniversary.  I saw my childhood crush again but it wasn’t as magical as when I saw him about a year or so ago when I went to Philedelphia.  He is married now with like 5 kids so oh well.  I knew it could never happen then, I was a kid and he was a teenager. (We are 6 years apart) and now he is married with a little league team!

 Work is good.  I am learning a lot and I think everything will work out fine. Okay, I have written enough for today.  Thanks for reading.