IM BACK!

Wow! Holy shit, I have dreamed for the site to reopen again. I’ve been writing in this diary since I was in high school. This diary is my LIFE. I randomly decided to see if this site was back after shutting down and “losing” all my entries. AND IT WAS HERE! I was so shocked. The last time I wrote in this diary was 2012. I had no idea it was that long ago. I feel like once I started dating my first girlfriend Michelle, a lot changed and I didnt take the time to have some “me time” and write in here. And now its LITERALLY been 10 years since I’ve got to open my heart and soul to these pages. Shit I’m 31 now and started this diary literally when I was 14, maybe even a little bit younger. I am SO excited to have this outlet again. I’VE BEEN NEEDING IT SO BAD YOU HAVE NO IDEA. And now I got this nice desktop computer and a cute little desk, so this is perfect. COMPLETELY PERFECT. I cant stop smiling I am so happy.

Obviously a ton has changed in my life. I mean, its been 10 years. Heh.

I feel like I am in a fairly good place in my life right now. I have been dating this girl name Morgan for almost two years now and I’m pretty happy. The sex is amazing and we really connect on lots of different levels. I’ve told this girl things I have never ever told anyone before. And that includes Erin, a girl I dated off and on for 5 years and basically become super co dependent on (and she on me) (Thats a story for another day). So I think that says a lot. I was never able to talk about my feelings with Erin but with Morgan its different. Theres still some kinks of course, and some things that make me tilt my head. But I love her and so does my family. She treats me well and I definitely see a future with her. I know this girl wants to propose. She talks about it all the time. Its so sweet. Im excited. I want to get married. But we probably wont have a huge fancy wedding. I have no friends so I wouldnt have anymore to invite to be completely honest.

Speaking of no friends, I literally do not have any. I literally only talk to my mom and Morgan. No one else texts me or calls me or asks to hang out. Its extremely lonely. Melanie and I have been on this weird rocky path for about two years now. Idk, its super hard to explain. We were completely inseparable, I mean shes been my best friend since we were 14. And now…. things are super different. I dunno. Maybe we’ve just strayed. And thats okay, people do that. Friends dont last forever.  But I definitely miss being apart of her life and her Jameson. He’s gonna be 7 in December and thats just insane. I remember when he was born and holding him in the hospital.

But this is my problem with friends…. 9 time out of 10 I am DYING for a friend. But the second I have the opportunity to be with people or maybe even meet people, I just wanna go home and not be involved. Its so weird. Like I suddenly have super bad social anxiety. Which is SO weird because Ive always been so social and extremely extroverted. And now I just wanna sit at home all alone with no one bothering me. I dunno man. Its so weird.  Or I only wanna hang out with Morgan. And shes such a social person and will strike up a convo with ANYONE. Sometimes I find it annoying but whatever. I know thats just me being a Bitter Betty.

I think thats all I wanna unleash right now. I have SO much to say but its late. And my mind is already all jumbled for the excitement of having this diary back. I am literally so happy.