Monday 9/5/22

7:13am I was in bed last night by 11:30. I didn’t sleep very well because of arthritis pain. I was glad when  the aides got me out of bed by 5:00. My feet were hurting so bad by then For some reason I always do better in my wheelchair than on bed. At least the pain in my feet subsided. 

I spent the next hour or so in my wheelchair trying to stay positive. It was a lost cause. Physically and mentally I felt like crap. Oh I would give me almost anything for a decent night with no pain or disturbing dreams. I wished for coffee, just one lousy cup of coffee when I get up in the morning. 

I phoned Chocolatechip. She was doing ok this morning. I complained about my arthritis hurting. Then I said this isn’t getting the day off to a good start. She said I have a right to complain at 71 years.  

She talked about her finances. It is kind of complicated but doable. Then she talked about doing housework in the morning. She was in the kitchen doing dishes when I called  Chocolatechip has a lot of doctor appointments lined up. She will be spending a good part of tomorrow morning scheduling transportation.

We had a pleasant talk but I was desperate for coffee. I said goodbye and wheeled myself to the drinks cart. The lady was nice enough to give me coffee. Other I had another cup and a glass of oj with breakfast. For breakfast I had two slices of French toast and hot cereal. All is right with the world now I had coffee and cereal.

I feel a lot better after coffee and breakfast. Arthritis pain is down to a two. Miracle of miracles I didn’t pee myself during breakfast. I’m actually in a good mood right now. We will see how long this will last. Life is good.

 10:17am I screwed up once again. I phoned Capitol One. They told me I have $581.00 available for purchases. I promised the nursing home $583. I was $$2.00 short. I called billing and somebody was actually in. At first offered $543? Beverly, the handy from billing said she will have to go over that tomorrow. I said fine. But the more I thought of it I decided to pay $581.00 today. After all rent comes first and I do not need trouble with the nursing home I called back and Bev will come down today to get my card. I’d rather do it this way so I will not have future problems.

I went over the transactions I made since the first. I think I made a mistake with the New York Times. A monthly subscrion was supposed to be $19.99. I figured this would would be c!ose but doable.vi check my email and it said I was charged $2.00

I also cancelled books.i cancelled the New Sthen King boot set to be delivered ered on Sept 6. I don’t know if they already took out the money or will bill me on the sixth. I didn’t want to take chances so I cancelled it. This way I’m hoping to have the $583.00 by tomorrow.

2:18pm I feel very depressed today. I’m upset over the rent situation. I try so hard to pay my bills on time. Then I make one lousy mistake and it screws up everything. Also,  I was re ually looking forward to that Stephen King book i had to cancel it because I will not have enough money on my card tomorrow. This was a major mistake and I’m beginning to feel I can’t handle my money. 

Then I called billing this morning. I said I will make e a payment of $581 today. I wanted to do it over the phone and get it out of the way. But this Beverly woman said she will be down to get the card  This was  ten or eleven, nearly three hours ago. So far Beverly is a no show. I’m a bit upset and frustrated about taroundhis as well. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

This has been on my mind all day. I feel really rotten for the screw up. But I am doing my best to adult up and and handle my responsibilities. I make one mistake and I know they will declare pme incompetent and I don’t will end up with a pay.ee.

Why are not they making me go through this shit! All I want is to pay my bills. Why couldn’t they send somebody down when I called last Friday. Why do they turn this into a mohill every friggin month?

I didn’t let this from enjoying my lunch. I had glazed ham steak, broccoli, mashed sweet potatoes, a dinner roll and a fudge rib on cake for desert. For drinks  I had two coffees and a fruit punch. I was hungry and up and  upset so I ate it all.

I talked with Chocolatechip or rather tried too. I wasn’t making much sense because I kept thinking about the rent problem. I was also falling asleep on the phone. But we talked for a long time. Finally I couldn’t go on and she let me go. 

4;00pm Beverly from billing was in a no show.  I will try calling them again tomorrow in order to make a payment I always thought nursing homes were bloodhounds in going after what is owed them. 

Also, I decided to f it. It looks like I’m getting that Stephen King book after all. I tried cancelling  but I guess I didn’t do that right either. If they declare me incompetent so be it. I’m not going to worry. I want that damned book!

I didn’t have a very good day for worrying about the rent. I felt very frustrated to say the least. I tried to eat away my sorrors. I went to the nurse’s station for a peanut butter sandwich and a couple cookies.  I only had one sandwich and two cookies but I could have had a dozen each.

When I got back I began working on a budget for October. I plan on giving the nursing home $623. This leaves $237 . I plan on making a minimum payment to Credit One The rest goes to Capital One.

6:03pm I had two grilled chicken sandwiches and coleslaw and mixed fruit for desert. I had one cup of barely warm coffee and a glass of fruit punch. Supper was good and filling. I ate it all I feel a bit better.

I’m not going to worry about the gd rent. I called once last Friday and at least three times this morning. I figure if they want their money bad enough they know where I live.I spent all day worrying about that woman from billing showing up only she never came. I tried to do my part. Now it is up to the nursing home.

I’m going to chill out tonight. I want to enjoy my book Battle Cry of Freedom:The Civil War Era by James McPherson.I want to forget about my problems and get lost in Civil War history. 

I talked briefly with Chocolatechip after supper. She said she was outside and ran into Doris. Doris was in bad straights. Chocolatechip said she was down in Sharpe Hospital. Also somebody broke into her apartment and stole her meds 

I felt kind of bad for Doris. She lived one apartment down from me. Her place was filthy and she was always giving me bed bugs. Doris was the source of her own problems. She is supposed to be bi polar and an alcoholic. Yet I felt kind of bad for her.

We talked briefly. Chocolatechip wanted to go to bed early. She plans on getting up at 4:30 tomorrow. Before going she said try not to worry and obsess over the rent situation. She also said don’t buy anymore books.

I’m not buying any more books. But I am getting that new Stephen King book I purchased that book on the first. I pre ordered it. I don’t know if they deducted the cost already or will waIiit until it becomes available on the 6th. I only hope the homeless shelter in Wheeling has wifi.

7:56pm I am going through very, very high anxiety. I cannot think of anything else but the rent situation. I keep thinking this is not going to work itself out and I will end up in a homeless shelter. I’m scared as hell plus mad as hell. It seems I go through this problem every month.

Why do they make paying the rent so gd had? That is all I want to do plus buy ebooks. This facility is full of people on Social Security. They get their checks on the third of every month. Why doesn’t billing have someone available on that date so people can pay the rent?

What the hell do I know? I don’t know anything except I’m sick and tired of going through this shit every month. It’s just not right, not right at all.

I haven’t done any reading today. I was too upset and couldn’t concentrate. All I could think of was getting the rent paid. Also, I go through this every month and I’m so frigging tired of it.

It is going on 9:00pm. I’ve been in this chair since 5:00am  That is sixteen hours. I’m too upset and anxious to be tired. Earlier, aide asked me when I would like to lie down. I said I’m so worked up I could stay up all night. I no doubt will stay up obsessing and worrying about this shit.

What a lousy. lousy day I had. I think this was the worse day I had in this place. It is right up there with the Nurse Ratched day and that was a terrible day. I only hope I can resolve this issue tomorrow.