Wednesday 8/31/22

12:30am Once again aides didn’t put me to bed until after midnight. I only hope I can get to sleeping and have minimal pain. My foot is hurting but so far no arthritis pain. I only hope I can sleep tonight. I’m pretty tired now so maybe I will get some  sleep. 

5:19am. My aide got me out of bed a few minutes ago. I actually had a good sleep with no disturbing dreams. Also, arthritis pain is minimal. My shoulders ache but not too bad this morning. The aide I didn’t like at first turned out to be really nice. So I have no complaints.

I do feel tired and wish I could have gotten more sleep. For the life of me I do not understand why they get me out of bed so early. It wasn’t their fault that I was up past midnight last night. But why can’t they get me up at six? Sometimes I feel like I’m in boot camp

At least I am awake and above the dirt. I should be grateful I’m blessed with another day. I know I bitch and complain a lot but I’m grateful I’m still a?I’ve. I know a few people my age who didn’t make it this far. My own brother lived until he was 55. So I’m pretty lucky to still be a amongst the living.

I just wish I had a cup of coffee. Making my own coffee first thing in the morning is the one thing I miss. It will be two hours before they serve drinks and coffee. I swear this is the longest part of the day

I guess waiting for coffee gives me something about to look forward too. I’m also looking forward to this cookout they are having today. It hope they dress me in pants and I get to go outside. I haven’t been outside in the two years since I been here. So I’m kind of excited about the morning coffee and the cookout. 

In addition I miss talking to Chocolatechip on the phone. I always like to call her first thing in the morning. I left a message on Messenger. I hope she sees it and we can chat  for awhile. I like chatting on messenger but it is not the same as hearing her voice.

Well, it is 6:11 already. One more hour to go and coffee time. I usually sleep in my wheelchair until coffee time. But I am wide awake today. I don’t know what to do with myself until that first cup of coffee. That is one reason why I keep rambling on and on here. c’mon coffee. One more hour and I’ll be in nursing home heaven

This is the last day of August. Two more days and I will get my Social Security check. I’m a tad bit anxious about paying my I ills. How can it be done without a phone? I’m not overworked by anxiety, but I am starting to worry. 

7:38am I am in heaven. I just had my two slices of toast, scrambled eggs, hot oatmeal cereal for breakfast. I also had my two cups of coffee and a glass of oj.  The coffee was nice and hot so no complaints. I was fed and also had my meds.

I hated with Chocolatechip. She said was going on about filling out that waver form. Chocolatechip said perhaps her worker could help. The worker was going through the same proce. Then she talked about the first. Chocolatechip was saying she woke up anxious about all the places she has to go to tomorrow. She does have a lot on he plare. 

Then she said she was talking to George about the damage in her bathroom. Chocolatechip said if she has to make payments she wants to know in advance. This way she can work it into her budget. Chocolatechip said something he will gladly pay for damages if it is her fault. I said that is very admirable. She always does her best to do the right thing. One of many reasons why I love her.

We chatted for about a half hour. Then we said our goodbyes. My drinks and breakfast came. She wanted to take a shower. I wanted to eat.

Well I had my coffee and breakfast. I’m alive. I. In one piece. My girlfriend is ok. I am ok. This is going to be a good day..

 10:30am I talked with the social worker. I told her about not having a phone or TV in my room. She asked if I had a cell. I said I don’t have a working phone at all. She went on to say she will call maintenance. I emphatically said I need a phone by Friday to pay bills. She said I should get one today.

I also said I don’t have a TV in my room.SW asked if I ever had one. I said I had one in my old room. Then she asked if it was mine or the nursing home. I said it belonged to the nursing home. She said she will look and see if they have any extra. I didn’t say this but I can live without a TV.

Maintenance was just in. He fixed my phone. I now have a working phone. 

12:48pm I had breaded pork chop,roasted zucchini, mashed potatoes with gravy, a dinner roll and sliced hpears for desert. The two cups of coffee were nice and hot. Lunch was delicious and I ate it all. I’m stuffed right now.

I dozed off an on until lunch. I also called Chocolatechip. For some reason she could not reach me. The power was off for a little bit I said. She tried a second time and was able to get through. She used my new number the second time.

I’m having a good day right now I am not depressed. I’m not anxious. I got my ducks lined up for the ,2nd. I’m experiencing very mild pain. I got my phone working. I might even get a tv. Life is good. 

Best of all is I have two more days till Social Security day.  I’m not, repeat not going crazy on books. I am going to pay my rent of $583 first. Stephen King’s book Fairy Tales will download on the 6th.  I also want to buy David Baldacci ‘s new book, The 6:20 Man and subscribe to the New York Times. I’ll wait and see how much money I have left for the others. I’m !looking forward to reading my favorite authors.

For some reason my mood fluatesvat then end of one month and the beginning of a new. I get very depressed during the last week of the month.When I smoked I was going through very bad nicotine withdrWa during the end of the month. This put me in a very dark mood and I got depressed.

But the first would come around and my mood lifted. I had a check. I’d go out on the first and be in my favorite restaurant?. B More important I’d get groceries and cigarettes for the month then pay my rent.nBut it was more than material things. a new month me t a new attitude and I always expected something new and wonderful to happen.As I ran out of food and cigarettes I would get more and more depressed

I quit smoking a couple years ago. That monthly emotional cycle is not as bad. Since moving into the nursing home I have food all month long. My mood is fairly stable. But still l look forward to the first where I can pay my rent and blow my money on books. 

3:44pm  I just got back from the cookout. It was very nce. I think nearly everyone showed up. I looked arund to see if I knew anyone. But I did not see a brand iliadr face. Also, nobody talked to me but I still had a good time. The weather was great and so was the food. I had steak and pasta salad and a peanut butter bar for desert. For drinks I had a ginger ale.

I enjoyed being outside. But I had to leave early. I was without my oxygen and was afraid I’d ygey short of breath. Besides, I wanted to make a phone call toh Chocolatechip which is what hat I did whenigotback.

Chocolatechip had a phone interview ew with Erica, her therapist at two. Erica ywants Chocolatechip to get out more. There is this NAMNI group that meets in the Methodist Church on West Street. But it’s at night and the church is in a bad neighborhood. I justed they’re that she do this Zoom meeting they have. Chocolatechip said that sounded We talk briefly on the phone Then she wated to go revise her budget.

I haven’t read today. it seems I do my reading after supper. I spend most of the day sleeping and writing in my diary. I’m Just too tired during the day to concentrate on my book. But I’m wide awake at night. After supper and after talking with Chocolatechip is my book reading time. I hope to read three to four hours and finish chapter 6 tonight 

6:30pm I had two tuna melt sandwiches, potato salad, and orange sherbet for supper. The two cups of coffee were hot plus I had a glass of fruit punch. Between supper and the cook out food I’m bloated. The food they serve here is excellent in my opinion.

I called Chocolatechip after supper. She was going on about the latest row with her sister Kathleen. I feel bad for Chocolatechip From what she told me about Kathleen they never did get along. Then Chocolatechip was going on about tomorrow and how usy she will be. She had planned on going to the bank early but that changed we talked about thirty minutes and then she got sleepy.

I told Chocolatechip I’d like to go to bed now. But I bet the aides will keep me up past midnight. I’m not too sleepy. I. Just tired of sitting in this wheelchair. I  have been up since 5:00am. That is going on fourteen hours  Believe me, being in a wheelchair all day is no fun. I’d e a candidate for Sharpe hospital if it weren’t for Chocolatechip and this tablet. 

Well, get through tonight and I’ll have one more day to SS Day. I cant wait until that Stephen King book comes out. The more I think on it the more I think I’m going to buy only those two books this September. 

I  have enough books to read. I might switch to Stephen King and David Baldacci for a while. But I want to get through those Oxford History of the United States books. After Battle Cry of Freedom  I have five to go.

I’m going to indulge my passion for books and U.S history now I hope to get through all of chapter 6

10:09 I had a run in with my roommate. He claimed that my tablet is too loud. I said it was no more louder than his TV. I can hear the TV pretty good but can hardly hear my audible book. I had it down as low as it could go. I asked an aide who came in. She said it was a little too loud. Shit I thought. I cannot play my audible book in my own room.

I don’t like that room. Aide told me they are working to find me another room. I truly hope I get a new room because this one is way too small. I feel claustrophobic I hate to bitch all the time but I’m going to talkh with the social worker tomorrow.

I ended up listening to my book in a room at the end of the hall. It is a big room furnished with tables and desks.it is like a community room. I kind of like being here because I’m away from that roommate and confining room. I think I will come here often to read and write in my journal.

I did a lot out of reading. I feel finished  reading chapter six in Battle Cry of Freedom. I started reading the next chapter which is about the election of 1860. Both are interesting chapters in a very interesting book. 

So this was how my evening went. I spent it reading. I cannot think of imagine a better way to spend your time.