Saturday 8/27/22

5:23am I had another lousy sleepless night. Arthritis pain kept me up. On s scale of one to five pain scale it was a five. Aide came in early and to put me in my wheelchaitbat five.

9:48am I feel somewha better.  I slept in my wheelchair until breakfast. I had a a sweet roll, scrambled eggs,two coffees and oj. Breakfast perked me up some but I’ve  been sleeping on and off all morning. I talked with Chocolatechip. She said someone else knocked on her door last night but she was was able to get back to sleep.

Chocolatechip was telling me the story about her first husband Ed. Ed and his friend worked at the pottery plant in Newell. One time they got drunk and dug up the the flower garden around the plant. They both look at their Jobs over that.

I said I wished I  had some stories to tell. She said I probably do from my time at Eagles. I began to tell her about this one dream I had about Debbie, !y ex wife. Debbie was about ready to divorce. E. She was gone all the time to God knows where. I was pretty pissed about her absence. When she was home we were fighting all the time. She soon kicked me out of the house for good.

But we didn’t talk much because I started to get sleeppy. Once again I fell asleep. After waking up I sort of sat in my wheelchair in a dazed and confused state. 

I’m awake now. Pain has subsided. It is down to a one. I’m going to make it after all.

10:57am. I finally figured out how to change the font size on this thing. Now that I can see I hope I will not make so many typos. It is embarrassing to see so many mistakes Last thing I want to do is come across as a dumb WV hillbilly. 

I’m finally awake. I feel so much better. I had an aide who changed me. IShe didn’t have to but she wiped pee off the floor and I picked up my room. Living in a clean environment helps bring on a better mood. 

 12:43pm I just had my lunch. I had pork roast with mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, a dinner roll and a fruit cup for desert. I had one cup of coffee and a fruit punch for drinks.

I feel so much better. I’m not nearly as sleepy nor am I in pain. In fact pain level is down to a one.  I’m also in a better mood. I’m not seeing things as very hopeless I  don’t see myself as getting out of here anytime soon.But things are not as bad.

I’m really very lucky to be here. I know for a fact my family wouldn’t have taken me in. I keep telling myself I’m getting good care. I live in a  clean,  safe place.  I get my meds plus three meals a day. I have TV and internet and a phone. I could be in a worse place. 

2:01pm I fell asleep again. I tried calling Chocolatechip a little bit ago. The phones were down. Fortunately, they are working now. Also, I need my brief changed. Aide answered the call light then left. I do not know when I will get help..

 5:15pm I did get changed. Then I fell asleep again. I woke up when they served dinner drinks. They will be serving dinner soon. Tonight’s menu is hamburger and French Fries with a gelatin cake for desert. I’ve been hungry for a good hamburger

This is yet another day where I have my days and nights mixed up. I feel wide awake now ar last. I hope I can get started on that book Battle Cry of Freedom: The Civil War Years by James McPherson For some reason I’m Struggling to get through the first few pages. Now that I’m awake and alert maybe I can finish the first chapter tonight.

6:53pm I feel pretty well disgusted with myself right now. I had a lot of uncontentious episodes. What gets me is that the aides will come, clean me up, and put on a new brief. Right after they  leave I would pee myself. Then I would have a few such incidents during mealtimes when the aides are taking care of trays. So it seem I am always wet. I will never get used to it and I feel very humiliated I can’t control my bladder.

Then I slept almost all day. I do not like this schedule where they put me to bed at 1:00am and get me up at 5:00. So I sleep in my wheelchair all danged day. The day is over ani I’m wide awake. I will not be able to sleep tonight 

Then I have not read  anything since Friday. It is hard to concentrate when you are dead to the world. It is hard to concentrate when you are constantly peeing and sitting in urine. Because of my crazy schedule, arthritis pain and bladder problems I’m way off my game

So this was kind of a shitty day. I tried to keep a positive attitude. It is pretty damned hard to stay positive while being bound to a wheelchair, peeing all the time and more or less  in constant pain. So I was pretty miserable and depressed most of the day. 

I only hope tomorrow will be better. But something tells me it is going to be more or less the same. Life sucks sometimes and I can’t see if it’s better than the alternative.

8:35pm I think I’m ready for bed. I’m not sure If I’ll sleep but I’m tired of this wheelchair. I’ve been sitting in it for over fifteen hrs. I’ve had enough. This was a bad day and I’d just st like to end it.

 Best part of the day was talking to Chocolatechip. I do not think I could go on without her. She is the love of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. The second best was wheeling myself to the nurse’s station for my nightly snack. I like to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before going to bed 

I’m just sitting in my wheelchair waiting for them to put me to bed. I hope they put me to bed soon. I would like to be in bed by 9:30 or 10:00. Aide said they are not keeping me up past one tonight. I hope she is right.

One good thing is SS Day is getting closer. I will be able to load my card and buy books. I m looking forward to reading that Stephen King book and the new David Baldacci novel.  These are the two must have books for September. I’m having second thoughts about the others.

Well it is nine.I’m going to ring the call light to see if I can go to bed.