My Sexual Assault

My name is Katie and i am 18 years old. In January of 2020 i was sexually assaulted by one of my close friends. I was 16 when this happened and he was 15. I am going to call this guy “R”. I have known R since kindergarten and he has always had this weird thing for me. We were in a friend group together and my best friend josh was in it. On January 17th of 2020, me, Josh, and R were in the woods playing in the snow like we usually did in the winter. R was talking to another girl during this time but was also being very flirty toward me. I never liked R in that way and he knew that. We ended up going back toward my house and sitting in this gazebo. I sat in the middle of Josh and R while we watched a youtube video. Suddenly i felt R’s hand going up my leg and then started touching my inappropriately. I was too in shook to say anything in that moment. I never knew someone i trusted so much could do something like that too me. I later asked Josh if he noticed and he said “No”. I was so uncomfortable being around him after that. People in the friend group noticed i didn’t like being around him and ended up kicking me out. I didn’t want to tell any of them what happened because they all loved him and would take his side. I fell into a deep depression and started getting into alcohol. I ended up meeting my boyfriend of almost 2 years, 7 months after my sexual assault. He saved me from myself. I think back now and feel terrible about not reporting him and telling my story. i feel like i could’ve helped myself more.