he came back.

A few days ago, I got a Facebook message. I was surprised to see that it was him. Just a simple hello, but it meant so much. It’s been over two years since I’ve heard anything from him. I debated awhile before I let myself answer. It’s been two years of pain, two years of trying to figure out what happened, two years of trying to accept being okay without him. The last time we were together my Grandmother was in the hospital and he had become my rock through all of it.

We’ve talked a lot since the first hello yesterday. I’m trying my best to tread lightly and cautiously through all of this. I vowed to myself a long time ago that I would always be there for him. And I’m trying to do just that. A lot has happened over the last few years, for both of us. He’s had his ups and downs, so have I. He has yet to really answer me as to why he left two years ago. Why, without a word, he stepped away again. I don’t know what he does to me, but at this point I don’t care why he left. Only that he’s back, and he’s so different.

Our first conversation was only a few minutes long, and ended with him saying he would call me the next day. I didn’t honestly think he would so I was surprised to his voice the next day. We’ve talked more and more since then. On my way home from work tonight, it kinda blew up into a heart-to-heart chat.

Both filled with regret. Both filled with thoughts of what could have been. He has wondered about me, and I’ve wondered about him. He’s been through so much these last two years, I don’t mind being his soft place to land right now. Even if it’s only a short while, I know I can be okay if he goes away again. I’ve done it a few times already, I can handle it again. He did so much for me way back when, he was always my safe place to land and I do not mind returning the favor.

It’s caused a lot of confusion for me, and he told me it has for him too. He’s in a situation right now that is so odd to me, and one I only think he’s in because he knows he’s missing something. But it’s his life, and I just want to be a part of it in anyway I can.

I ask him tonight if he could put all life complications aside, what did he want? His answer… You.

I don’t know where this is going, honestly. What I do know is that I feel complete again. Even with him only being a friend, I feel whole. I don’t have to wonder anymore if he’s okay. I know he’s okay. A missing piece of me has been put back in to place.

I’ve never felt more connected to any other human being in my entire life. No one person has effected me the way he has. He taught me so much about myself, and life. He had a great influence on my life in such a short time. I will forever adore him and pray for his happiness.

At one time he was my everything, now he’s a simple piece that makes me feel whole. A dangerous, slippery slope I am on but I hope we can make a friendship work. We have plans to meet and catch up Sunday. I don’t know that it will actually happen and neither of us will back out, but I am looking forward to it.

He’s okay. I’m okay. and I’ve missed the hell out of him.