What Now?

After having such a wonderful day with new friends and feeling so happy and smiling and just wanting to continue with the good spirit, that is what I had to hear from my husband.

After tasting a lot of wine and having a ‘Ladies Get Together’ , I was craving steak…I was in such a good mood that I forgot that I left the flat this morning being so pissed off and upset and angry with my husband, so I called and told him I was picking him up to go out for supper.

Little did I know he had been drinking all day and I would regret ever wanting to go out for supper or even being married to him.

On the drive to the restaurant he rambled about how he had a talk with G-d and told him that he is going to stop making promises to him, as he keeps failing and breaking them. He went on about how no one loves him and motivates him so he is going to stop bothering what his family and boss think and say and he is just going to do him and me.

I was starting to pick up that he has been drinking…so I just focused on my breathing and getting to the restaurant.

We get there and are seated. Order our drinks and food. And then it starts…

He goes on shouting things to me about how he is going to do what he wants. He is all about making money. He made another R 10 000 this morning (Not sure what stock market is open today) he then went on about he doesn’t believe that I love him, since I didn’t understand the things he was saying in Zulu; he called me IGNORANT, then questioned my spending money on dietitians yet I still eat chocolate and he doesn’t believe I will have the Bariatric Op. Apparently I don’t love him and don’t touch him and never have sex with him. I mentioned how he has been drinking every weekend for the past month, and he called me a liar.

While I ate my meal tonight I kept thinking about how I want to tell him to leave. But then I thought about how many times I had done this and went back on it. But then I told myself it doesn’t matter. It is Sunday night, I was out at a fancy restaurant, and eating an amazing meal…while holding back tears.

When he is sober I am going to do it! I need to do it! I have to tell him that I won’t live and share my life with him if is going to continue to drink…but I have done that before. Maybe I should just tell him to leave.