New Worlds of Self-Government

Scott and I had a chat yesterday morning that was FANTASTIC at the end but pretty rough to begin with.  I’d been sensing the need to revisit an old wound that I knew we could heal successfully NOW, like a decade later.  But bringing it up still felt risky, not because I didn’t expect him to come through, but just because I had like 10 years of silent, unconscious programming trauma that had been repeatedly reinforcing the thinking of where he’d been at that point a decade ago.

So he sat with me patiently, plying it out with love, warmth, and patience.  And eventually I did open up and tell him about my memories of the time.  He was really wonderful — apologetic, just as I knew he would be.  Neither of us are really the same person we were that long ago, and both of us have matured for the better.  (The twenties: awesome bodies, but no money and not much wisdom.  Not sure I’d really want to go back.  You?)

Anyway, he’s already several chapters into the Nicholeen Peck book I asked him to read near the end of our discussion, and it means so much to me.  I can’t believe how much positive momentum it feels like we have.  The world is slowly falling apart, but a new one is coming together, and it’s everywhere I want to be. Here’s the text I just got done sending:  Just wanted to tell you again how much I really feel safe because of you reading the parenting book. It means a lot to me, and I want to thank you for it with my whole heart. I know we are going to strengthen our family so much. Thank you for being and becoming the man and leader you are. I am so very thankful to be married with a man who desires and cultivates vision within himself and his marriage and family. It is a blessing and a gift to be married to you!

Not tons more to report.  I had an energy work session again this morning with Anna.  I think this is like my third or fourth one.  It’s fun to see her make progress and great when I see her progress into doing some of the work for herself.  She’s making a lot of progress emotionally, but there’s so much to be done that the tangible effects are scant right now.  That’s okay.  This is what faith looks like, and faith in ourselves is just as important as faith in Father and Mother in Heaven, for if we didn’t believe in ourselves we wouldn’t bother trying to reach them.

I had my first visit with Randall Edwards yesterday too, but that’s in my handwritten journal for all things spiritual.  Man, between that and the visit with Scotty, it sure was a fantastic day. But the thing that really consumed me for a minute was that silly thing about Allie.  Weird how so much good is so quickly overshadowed by something we wish was different.  At any rate, I’m over that now, or feel like I am.  (I give space that things can always resurface.  They don’t very often anymore, but it’s okay if they do.) Allie is INDEED wonderful and I do very much enjoy her.  But Father took away the sorrow from my heart, and everything is just as it should be.  I trust Him.  I trust Him with it all.  And that is the best explanation I can offer for why my heart doesn’t hurt anymore.