Toga Party!

Friday was a toga party for Jada’s birthday. I wasn’t super sure of my outfit at first, but as I put it together, I looked GOOD! Dare I say, pretty damn hot. LOL!

We bar hopped. I got a ride there with Lori, Josef and Bacon. And then from the first bar rode with Miguel and Janelle.

I guess my “not driving” gave me permission to get shitty and have fun. Because boy did I. LOL. I enjoyed the night. Made out with Janelle. And with Miguel. And back and forth. Danced my ass off. Flirted with probably even more people. And ended up going home with Miguel.

At one point I had the wherewithal to say to Miguel, “I know I am flirting a lot tonight, is that okay?” And when he said it was, I made sure he knew it was just friends still. He said he did. So at the end of the night, I thought “why not.”

It was just okay. We had fun. But there was no fireworks (for me anyway.) Nothing that screaming, “You should do this again!”

Explaining it to Eric the next day was less fun than I imagined. Although it also turned into a really healthy dialog and we both were happy after. It also made me feel okay about whatever happened the next day with Mike. All of this is over text because he’s in Canada and doesn’t have great cell reception.

Eric: I know that I’m not really in a position to have a problem with what happened but I think that it’s important for me to express myself because I think it will help us later…….I’m not upset I think a little hurt and confused mostly. I just didn’t think that you having sex with Miguel was on the table. I understand what’s happening with Mike and I think it’s more of a worry for me moving forward with the distance between us that you going out drinking will be an issue if people that you’ve told both them and me that you have no interest in then become sexual partners?

Me: I always appreciate that you share what you’re feeling. My feelings towards Miguel haven’t changed. I have had concerns that he’d want more than just sex. I was comfortable with Mike because we’ve been on the same page with just wanting to have fun. No relationship. I didn’t feel like I would hurt Mike if I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.

My choice to not have sex with Miguel before was to avoid hurting him. Miguel has told me over and over again that he could handle just sex. I do know he likes me and would be interested in more if I offered more, but I took him at his word that just sex was okay.

I’ve been INCREDIBLY clear with him about you. We talked about you last night and again this morning. Someone asked him last night if he and I were a thing and he told her “no her heart is somewhere else.”

I want for you and I to work out. Once we establish what our relationship boundaries and expectations are, I know I can keep to those. I like to go out and have fun….but I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt the person I’m with.

Eric: Thank you for clarifying that for me I really appreciate it and you!

(I hearted his last message and we ended the discussion)

Several hours later…

Me: I don’t want to hurt you. I know the lines are muddy right now. Is there anything that’s clear to you that would cause problems for you?

Eric: Not being with you lol

I’m good and talking about it definitely made me feel better

Me: I feel the same way. Please know there is no comparison. I am excited for when we can be together. Thank you for being so good at communicating with me.

Eric: No problem and thank you for creating a space that I feel comfortable communicating about anything and everything!!!!!!

 

So that was hard, especially being far apart and not being able to talk, but I think we did well.