8/1/22

The beginning of my day is always the worst and most exhausting.  Waking up is a bitch.  Every morning I get up and I am disappointed I didn’t just die in my sleep, but of course, I accept my fate and move on.  I have to get up and shower.  Showering takes so much fucking energy out of me.  I like hot showers,  but douche-bag gets pissy when I take one because he says it makes the apartment hot.  If he’s ever even slightly uncomfortable, it’s the end of the world.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever met a bigger baby.  I take that back. . . both my other exes were giant babies, as well.  Anyway. . .

I have to get dressed, which takes a lot of energy.  I hate doing it because I’ve gained so much weight since I’ve been with him, that I feel disgusting.  I have to poke myself in both eyeballs just to get my contacts in.  Brushing my teeth feels tedious and I’ve always thought toothpaste is disgusting.  I then have to put on make-up, because if I didn’t, I’m pretty sure I could be mistaken for a short, fat man.  Putting it on feels tedious, as well.  All while I’m doing this, I’m trying to calm a cat that keeps meowing and rubbing against me, because he knows every time I take a shower, I’m about to leave for 10-12 hours.  It makes me feel awful, and I just want to stay home all day and cuddle that sweet baby.

I then have to get in the hot car, which the AC only barely works in this scorching heat lately… and I have to drive 45 minutes to work.  Now, I know I’m not a great driver, but I wonder what the actual fuck other people are thinking.  I feel like people do things on purpose just to piss me off.   I’ve already mentioned it in another entry, but at least once or twice a week, I encounter a person on the freeway that won’t use their cruise control.  I see I’m going faster than them, so I go to pass them, then they speed up suddenly.   So I’m like, “Okay, fine.  I’ll just drive behind you, no big deal.”  Then they slow down again.  I try to go to pass them again and they fucking speed up AGAIN!  It’s like they are purposefully fucking with me.  I’m just trying to get to work, and they are slowing me down.  Why do people do this?  Seriously?  Does nobody know what cruise control is anymore?  I just don’t understand it…

Then I get to work.  We have a huge parking lot, and because I work at an odd shift, people from both 1st and 2nd shift are already there, and I have to always park in the back. . .  in fucking Narnia and walk a whole fucking journey and cross the street to get to the building.  I have to walk through the building to get to the locker room where I have to change into my work uniform, which, like I said, changing clothes is exhausting for me too, especially when it’s hot.  Once all that’s done, I can finally start my day, which is usually fine… most of the time.

I’m just bitching.  I don’t know why I’m writing this.  It’s 1st world problems.  I have much bigger issues to deal with, but I’m tired of writing about how depressed I am and how much my BF is a tool-bag.  Don’t even get me started on my shitty country and it’s hatred toward women and other minorities, because I get fucking furious every time I think about it.  I used to be able to talk about such things with my best friend,  but she’s too busy not answering any of my messages to talk about it.  Anyway, I guess that’s it.