Sister Drama

I just joined Open Diary yesterday so still trying to get the hang of this.  It’s a new concept for me and not easy to post and share so openly with the potential of those I don’t know reading my post and being able to share their input.  Anyone else with sister issues?  I’m the oldest of four kids in my family, there’s me, my two sisters, and brother is the youngest.  Sibling rivalry, we all have heard of it most of us if you have siblings are probably familiar and have experienced it first-hand.  To respect privacy and because I don’t know who could stumble across this entry I’m leaving out names but, for now I’ll refer to my sister by first initial for now, T.  My sister and I are three years apart and for as long as I can remember have been polar opposite therefore, we have never mixed well together.  Growing up I was soft-spoken, very timid, hesitant when it came from trying new things and straying to far from my comfort zone.  I was and to this day very helpful always asking what I can do to help back then this translated to offering to clean up everyone’s toys, setting the table, I never gave much pushback and did my chores, obedient.  When I was told to not do something I listened, I didn’t like testing the waters, I didn’t like upsetting people especially my parents.  I was a people pleaser and while I’ve grown a lot part of me still is to this day.  Now my sister, T polar opposite.  She was independent, didn’t like to listen, enjoyed testing my parents.  The example I like to give is back when we lived in a condo we’d spend Summer’s at the pool and I vividly remember one day in particular where my mom had decided to apply sunscreen to her and I at the pool versus at home and then walking to the pool.  She told us to sit down on a lawn chair while she got everything organized, got out our floaties and the sunscreen.  I sat there quietly and listened, my sister was beside me, my mom did a half turn to pick up something she had dropped and when she turned around there was my sister, T, she was 3 or 4 years old at the time and she had decided she didn’t want to wait, typical stubborn T and walked over to the pool to jump in.  Lucky our neighbor and good friend was closer than my mom and was able to grab her right as she was trying to dip her foot in the water. It’s always been like that.  If one of us had the remote control the other wanted it to change the channel even if we liked what was on the screen.  She took advantage I was a “good girl” and quiet and I fought back because as the years went on she rubbed me the wrong way. That’s always how it’s been we just rub each other the wrong way. Often over the years my parents would even call it this type of jealousy.

Over the years, that “sibling rivalry” shifted and looked different then when we were younger. As life progresses we mature or so you hope people do the problem is, T hasn’t.  She goes out of her way to be blatantly disrespectful, to make sure I know she’s aware I’m family and how she should treat me show that same care and respect she shows my other sister and brother but, she doesn’t.  Most people go out of their way to be kind, make it right, help out especially when it comes to your family.  My sister is opposite she goes out of her way to publicly hurt me and make me feel like she’s perfect and it’s my fault.  My grandmother, the oldest of 8 children would tell me “when you girls are older you’ll appreciate each other more and you’ll love having each other”.  Over the years I’ve apologized for all the nonsense, disagreements, and sibling rivalry between us and expressed that whatever I’ve said, whatever I’ve done that rubbed her the wrong way or hurt her in the past. I have asked multiple family members including my parents, grandparents, my other sister what did I do what did I say that has caused her to be deliberately so rude, disrespectful, and dismissive.  I have asked T directly on several different occasions and even she can’t name something specific I’ve done she has no reason.  Family has said aside from the childish sibling rivalry I haven’t done anything to deserve this treatment.  I’ve invested years in trying to make it right not just because I want to and I value family but, because I’ve seen how it does impact other family members.  While T and I have our moments where we can play games and be fine most of the time it’s like walking on eggshells around her.  I’m scared to talk because she twists what is said to make it into something insulting.  T is married and lives in New Zealand, she had my nephew who is almost a year and half whom I and family in the US have never met in person.  They are coming in a few days and I really want to show I care about my nephew I want him to know he has two aunts who care about him and his well being but, I’m nervous.  T calls my other sister at least once a week if not more to video chat so she can get to know my nephew, calls my parents, and other family that’s not necessarily immediate family but, I’m not shown that same courtesy.  I’m not sure what to do, I hate the feeling like I’m walking on eggshells and I hate drama and don’t want to start issues but as we’re getting older her disrespect, her actions what she has done to me and now my fiancé both her and her husband is despicable! When I tell people the situation they are shocked that family can treat family as poorly as T has treated me.  I don’t want to do and looking for advice and help.  I want this trip to be a new beginning but, she has to want it to, she has to realize she’s done wrong and own up to it as I have.