More with Eric

Eric is moving things forward. He is on a flight now to Canada for a pre-planned family trip with Leslie. It’s going to be the most painful dumpster fire to witness from afar. He’s already started talking to her about being unhappy and needing something more/else. Not new discussions for them, but certainly not expected while they were apart and right before they start a vacation. I didn’t expect him to bring it up now, and I know she is panicking too. I feel badly for her. I feel sad for her. I just feel for her. I am sitting here on the brink of starting a relationship on the contingency that her heart is broken. And I feel kind of crappy about it. I don’t know if I am just defending things to make myself feel better, but I have known she wasn’t the right fit for him, back when we were really JUST friends. Long before we ever talked about him coming to AZ to visit me. There is a lot of redeeming qualities about her. I see why Eric was attracted to her. But, for Eric, he needs someone that can offer him something more sexually. She is, as a statement of fact, and not a judgment, a prude. She dislikes talk of sex. She dislikes the idea of porn or masturbation. She doesn’t like any vulgarity. Public flirting is off limits. As they prepare to share a beach house with her parents in Canada, the idea of anything sexual happening in the home they are sharing is strictly taboo. None of that is Eric. Eric has, for 6+ months, shared with her his desires and needs. And they’ve tried to work on compromise and resolution. But, it’s not possible for them. Today, in her desperation to save things, she suggested they “schedule sex.” My heart hurt for her when he told me. He was upset that she didn’t understand how far off the mark she was. Scheduled??? Like, that wasn’t even close to what he needed or wanted. But, I just heard the part of her that was trying and grasping to hold on to the parts of Eric that I adore. And it makes me hurt for her. Having just gotten out of a marriage that wasn’t matched well, I think in hindsight, she’ll see that she needs someone better matched. He isn’t for her. I wish for her to have that clarity, and peace. Sooner than later. I don’t want for this to break her like Eric worries it will.

This morning my phone rang at 730AM. 430AM in California. Eric. I was awake, but still lying in bed. Jesus. Eric knows how to wake me up. I was barely eyes open, still in bed and he called. And hit me with the difficult questions this morning.

Eric: “When you said you’d move to mass, did you mean that?”

Me: in the futuristic sense. Yes. If we work out. I am willing.

Eric: I’m trying to figure out how to make you more comfortable. Would it be better for you to move into a house that I own or for me to wait and for us to buy a house together? Or if I buy a house now, can we add you to it later? I want you to be comfortable”

I think I sat in silence for a few seconds. Stunned. Like, what???

Me: Way to hit with the hard questions this morning.

He continued to talk about how he just wanted to be sure I was comfortable. This was clearly on his mind, keeping him awake at 4AM.

It’s too early to make those life decisions. And I said as much. I like how he thinks about me in all of this…but…woah!

I did tell him that if he buys the house and I end up living there, I can contribute financially. Since I still have my own money I can invest it and feel equal…like he is earning equity on his investment and I earn interest on mine. So we don’t have to own something together and complicate things to achieve that.

I think that was a satisfactory answer for him.

My nephews adore Eric. They have talked to him a lot this weekend. I love that they love him. And that if I did start visiting Eric more, I could see my nephews more often too. That made the potential time away from my parents seem more palatable.