It’s just a little crush…
It’s just a little crush (crush)
Not like I faint every time we touch
It’s just some little thing (crush)
Not like everything I do depends on you
~Jennifer Paige
It’s really hard having a crush on a married man. But I like to blame it on him. If he wasn’t so darn sweet all the time then I wouldn’t have a crush on him. But it’s the little things that he does. Like when someone walked in through out door and he jumped up to see who it was. And when Donna asked why he jumped up he replied that in case it was some stranger that walked in and he needed to protect me! 🙂 It’s like him making a copy of the new John Mayer CD for me because he knows I love his music. It’s the way he teases me about wanting snow and then telling me this morning when there were a few flakes outside. It’s the way he always asks what I’ve got planned for the weekend. It’s the banter back and forth that doesn’t quite count as flirting. It’s the way he listens when I talk and remembers little things.
But today I had to listen to him on the phone with his wife being all sweet and sappy and make plans for tonight. *SIGH* She’s a lucky girl.
It’s been a while since I’ve actually spent Valentine’s Day with someone. I still remember the first VDay with J and how he surprised me with heart shaped pancakes in the morning and the perfect rest of the day. The nice dinner with the other couples that night and later at his place, he gave me a hand made card and told me he loved me for the first time. Of course I couldn’t say it back. But it was all sweet and in retrospect, definitely memories I will treasure. I was thinking about our relationship today. I sometimes wonder if he will be the only guy who truly ever loved me. We had our problems and we were so not meant to be together, but I do think he loved me in his own way. He’s the one that kept coming back even when we tried to end things. Maybe the saying that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all is kinda true. But I don’t know that I loved him. Sometimes I think I idealize the idea of love so much that I will never really love anyone. Crushes are good…I just wish I could find someone to crush on who could technically also have a crush on me. Oh well.
There’s a lot more to write about…maybe after work if I can make the time.
that loved and lost quote is very “ignorance is bliss.” i agree, ignorance *is* bliss. i wish we could be kept in ignorance for the better part of our lives. ’cause then maybe we could be like siddhartha gautuma. let it all out at once and it’ll happen. oh my god, i just had an idea for a novel!!!!!!!! 🙂 i have a favourite who totally messes around with married men. she’s married herself.
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crushes can be fun! especially when the person is sweet back and not just these bizarre one-sided crushes i find myself wrapped up in. “ah, random guy who is in the cafeteria every day at 3, whose name i don’t and probably doesn’t know i exist, marry me!” RYN: you feel that way because you never write anymore!! you’ll get back in the groove soon enough (i hope)! take care, ~
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A crush…doesn’t it suck when you have a crush on a man you know you can’t have? He does seem extra sweet. Too bad there’s not enough men like that to go around. ryn: thanks for the notes. I was really sort of depressed for the past few days thinking about it. I still don’t really care for Sil for other reasons, i guess i just wish bro would WANT focus on us. It’s almost like we’re on the back
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burner and we’re just there because we are. He’d rather be spending time with someone else. I don’t feel like Sil is a bad person or will ever intentionally hurt him, i just feel like he’s not getting the most out of things unless she is there. Even when he talking abotu what he does at school, he says that he doesn’t even hang out with other people, because whenever he gets free time, he spends
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it with Sil. It’s just weird. The worst part is that i don’t Sil is like this with her family. When she came two years ago without bro, she wasn’t pining for him and shit like that. I guess maybe it’s just personality types. i don’t know. But again, thanks for the notes, it’s nice to know that someone can relate. I don’t feel like i’m being too unreasonable. 🙂 —
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every time i see this entry in my favorites list i start singing that song and can’t get it out of my head! i loved that song! ~
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aww it’s kind of fun to have a little crush and I supposse also kind of annoying to know you can’t have him. I think Vday is so overrated, but I still wish someone would do something nice for me on the day.
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