Eric

I have made mention of Eric a couple times now. And I gave a decent synopsis in my text messages to Miguel.

Oh Eric.

I received his first text messages in January. January 6th. About 5 months since we’d last texted.  I am working on divorce number 2 and was wondering if the key to marriage is what you’ve got going on? I might have to come out there to visit you guys and get a first hand look myself.

I responded Hey! Ugh 😑 that sucks. What’s going on with that? Well…I hate to break it to you, but I don’t have the answers either. I am working on divorce #1 😤

He responded by asking me to call him when I got a chance. The following night we talked.  For hours.

Eric and I proceeded to talk for months. Pretty much daily. Sometimes for 7 hours at a time. On the phone, actually talking. He would be working a late night detail. I would be packing up my house. We talked about everything. Shared everything. It was like no time had passed.

A good friend said to me, at some point over the first few months that Eric and I were talking, “oh, he’s your soulmate.” I completely dismissed her. Eric, the guy who bridges one long term monogamous relationship to the next, with periods of infidelity, is most certainly, not, my soulmate.

I have several old diary entries on this subject.

2001

i called eric tonight. this is a little bit of how are conversation went:

“hey you”

“hey cheetah hows it going”

“awesome. guess what!???!”

“what?”

“I GOT AN APARTMENT!!!!”

“cheetah you got US and apartment, that is awesome”

*laugh*

“cheetah you didn’t tell me you were look for an apartment for US.”

“yeah i have been looking for awhile. i just finally found one.”

“that is great cheetah. you can marry me now.”

*laugh* “i could never marry you.”

“why not?”

“because i want a faithful husband”

“that hurts”

“i sorry, but you know…”

*laughs* “its ok cheetah i deserve that.”

2002

Eric told me once, that just because he has sex to have sex doesn’t mean he doesn’t deeply care for the person, and I do believe he mentioned bordering on the feelings of love…it was awhile ago we discussed this. I remember (not) feeling differently. I thought Eric was great, we are good friends. However, knowing a few things about Eric and the situation I was entering into with Eric I chose to distance myself enough not to develop feelings for him. I may have yearned for the time when I got to see him again to have sex, but never yearned for Eric himself, in a way which would lend me to develop feelings for him. I found it odd that Eric, Mister Casual Sex, thought about it as more than I did.

2007

I really like Bob – if it weren’t for his family and his inability to remain faithful I would be head over heals in love with him.  I feel for him a lot of what I felt for Eric – but there is something about Bob that makes me even crazier for him.  But, I am a smart enough girl not to involve myself in a relationship with someone like Bob or Eric….and that is why it has always been clearly defined lines SEX ONLY!

 

Even back then, I was confident that Eric was just for fun and couldn’t be relationship material.  But, the theme of some of this was that I didn’t trust Eric. I kept my distance. I did like him. I just wouldn’t allow myself to want or desire more. But, we always had fun. And some of, if not the best, sex of my life.

But perhaps something else that Eric said in 2002 is far more significant to today’s conversation, “don’t work so hard at rejecting a relationship that you miss the best thing to ever come along.” I have certainly worked hard at rejecting a relationship with him, and he might just be the best thing to have come along. My friend who insisted that Eric was my soulmate, went on to explain that a soulmates are always there at the “right time” and even if they disappear for a little bit, know they will return. In 2001 I wrote, not long after breaking up with my high school/college sweetheart, “What I realized with Eric was he was the first thing that showed me I could be happy and that I had something to be happy for. Ever since then I have been floating.” Eric came into my life at that time for a reason, and for that season. I only saw it at that time as a “season/reason” kind of thing. But in 2006-2007 after going through some stuff again in another relationship, he offered something similar. And then, he shows back up at the beginning of my divorce. Is this who a soulmate is?

In March when he came out to Arizona, I was expecting, possibly (probably) some great sex, and a fun weekend with an old friend. What I got was so much more. I thought back to my 2001 self, What I realized with Eric was he was the first thing that showed me I could be happy and that I had something to be happy for. Ever since then I have been floating. and felt like that all over again. I thought, THIS IS ERIC’S LITERAL PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. To remind me that I am worth so much more.

In my marriage, I didn’t know I was unhappy or settling for less. I guess I did know there were areas where Matt and I were different. My relationship with Scott had highlighted that. But, it was during Eric’s trip that my head turned. My brained turned on. And I had so many realizations. Prior to ever talking with Eric in January, I had made a list. A list of things I needed in a partner. Some things Matt scored well on, some things he didn’t. Over the weekend with Eric, he just kept checking boxes. And the ones he hadn’t checked yet were mostly ones we just hadn’t had enough time to delve into. Since then, he checks just about every box.

My list from December 2021 (and ✔ for Eric)

• Willing to dress up and go out occasionally ✔
• Wants to meet my friends ✔
• Has his own friends ✔
• Protects quality time ✔
• Likes kids/is a good dad ✔
• Prioritizes family ✔
• Enjoys time with my family (haven’t tried with Eric yet, but I have high hopes)
• Stable career ✔
• Makes a good income ✔
• Owns a home (or can, but currently in transition) ✔
• Good credit ✔
• Financially responsible ✔
• Physically healthy ✔
• Wants to participate in healthy things with me but doesn’t make me feel guilty if I don’t ✔
• Protects me ✔
• Politically neutral or similar ✔
• Not an alcoholic or addict ✔
• Caring, nurturing and supportive ✔
• Enjoys travel ✔
• Handy at home – or at least organized and motivated to call for help (I don’t have first hand experience with this yet)
• Doesn’t yell. Good at communicating and encouraging me to communicate without anger ✔
• Debate, not argue ✔
• Good hygiene ✔
• Non Smoker ✔
• Fun! Costume parties. Silly ✔
• No Video game addition ✔
• Can plan dates and vacations ✔
• High sex drive! And not vanilla ✔
• Social ✔

In AZ, my friends Shelley and Adam hosted my 40th birthday party. About 40 of my closest friends gathered for one of the most amazing evenings. I was showered with love and friendship. Eric was able to meet a lot of my friends that night. When we walked in several people were already present. I said to him “I’ll introduce you.” He said “no, this is your party. I can introduce myself. You enjoy yourself, don’t stress about me.” WOW! Matt would have been sitting in the corner playing on his phone. Not even trying. Or if he knew someone, maybe he’d have talked to that one person all night. Maybe. Eric LITERALLY met and spoke with everyone. People didn’t realize until the end of the night that he hadn’t known ANYONE (besides me) before we walked into the party. Everyone presumed by how social and comfortable he was that he was part of one of my circles of friends. Everyone was impressed. Including, but especially, me. I barely talked to him at the party. Because I was being social too. And I never worried about him. It was incredible.

• Wants to meet my friends ✔
• Social ✔

Prior to coming out to AZ he’d planned a festival event and a hot air balloon ride for us. Matt was terrible at planning.

• Can plan dates and vacations ✔

I am diabetic. Type 2. This is something that started about 5 years ago. Matt was the only person in my life who knew. I manage it well. No insulin needed. I’ve never felt the need to share it with other people. I don’t want judgements or questions or people to worry about me. Sometimes, rarely, my blood sugar drops low. I usually can eat something and it’ll be okay. One night, out with Eric, I felt like I was going to pass out. It came on suddenly and it was different and worse than anything I have experienced before. I had to tell him what was happening. He handled it with so much grace and understanding. He was caring and compassionate. He walked to the car to get what I needed. I found out later that it was a virus that had caused me to feel like that, and not my blood sugar….but at the time I didn’t know that. So now, Eric knows my secret too. He makes sure I eat. He doesn’t make it a big deal, but he is just perfect about it all.

• Caring, nurturing and supportive ✔

And the sex…..the sex. The best. Always the best. We match each other. And challenge each other. And it seems to keep getting better.

• High sex drive! And not vanilla ✔

I have much more to say…but another time.