Entry 2

Why is it that some people find it so hard to admit that they are in the wrong? I haven’t spoken to my husband since the whole ordeal and he has yet to reach out to me to speak/see his kids. I’m currently staying at my moms house because everything was to much for me to handle on my own. He hasn’t asked about his kids since Wednesday. And I’m still finding it hard to get pass what he called me. I know people say that you speak your truth when you are angry. So does that mean he truly thinks I am an ugly b****? Now I’m asking myself all of these questions. And I know if I forgive him for the situation that comment will always be in the back of my mind forever. I don’t think I can fully be comfortable with him seeing me/ my body because I will always be self conscious around him. I always thought that we were supposed to be our most comfortable around the one we choose to marry. But now the idea of him seeing me has me petrified. And lord knows I don’t even want to imagine being intimate around him anymore. Am I doing the most? Am I blowing this way out of proportion? Or is this a normal response? I have so many questions 😩

zucchini

There is a chance that it has been blown out of proportion to a certain degree? But in the same breath having a normal response to being hurt really bad by something that was very very hurtful.

I think the most important thing to do in any relationship, because there will be conflict, is communicate the best you can. It’s very difficult to communicate through anger and pain. It’s very difficult not to raise your voice or cry or whatever your response to that overwhelming feeling may be.

but I can tell you after being with my husband for 14 years, and having been through a lot a situation where I wasn’t sure if it was going to work out, being very open about how I feel and trying to deliver the information in a very clear and an emotional way, I was the only way We got through it.

I can tell you that most of the time things that I thought he should understand in detail he did not. There were many ways where I kind of thought he should be intuitive about how I felt or was thinking, but it ended up feeling to him like I thought he could read my mind.

I have also been on the other side of that. There are many times where I thought I knew what he was feeling or thinking, because he thought I could read his mind, but once we talked about it and understood each other better there was so much more going on under the surface for both of us.

The hardest thing we got through we couldn’t really talk very effectively about it so I started writing out everything I felt in a notebook. I told him I had this idea and I gave him the notebook and let him read it, and then he wrote back to me his response.

I promised him that I would not hold anything over his head or punish him for feeling the way he feels. It took a lot of self control on both of our parts.

Being in a monogamous relationship is hard, and having children is very hard. People are complicated complex spiritual beings and there are multiple things going on underneath the surface for everyone. In general I think that many people are not good at communicating how they feel and receiving information about how their partner feels. Most of us were not raised with very good communication habits like that.

I don’t think you’re in the wrong for being hurt… And I don’t know the surrounding information. I don’t know how he treats you or what you have been through in general.

But, I think you should open up the floor and tell him that you would like to talk whenever he feels up to it.

these are the moments where people say marriage is hard work. This is the work. The work is swallowing your emotions and trying to communicate without attacking. Both people have to be on the same page and swallow their pride enough to communicate well even when it hurts and feels like you want to respond differently. Does that make sense?