Entry 1
This is my first post and I’m not even sure where to begin. Life has been really kicking my butt lately, and I’m starting to feel as if I can never win. I’ve been married for 4 years almost, and God has blessed me with three beautiful kids. I love my kids but unfortunately I get very overwhelmed being that I have twins (age 2) and a new born (5M) but very little help. My mom and dad are amazing but they cant do much for me with their old age and decreasing health. The man that I married yesterday called me an ugly a** b**** because I asked him to help me with the kids. Is it crazy that I’m so hurt that I can’t even cry right now. Everyone thinks that I should just get him to stay with the kids more and then all of the problems will be fixed, but I’m too embarrassed to tell them why I’m so hurt. This comment hurt me a lot because I really hate how my body looks after having three kids. That is one of my insecurities. And now all that I am asking myself is “how can you love someone so much and they say things like this to you?” I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to speak with about everything. And for this I feel alone 🙁
Welcome to OD! This is a very supportive community.I think you will find what you’re looking for here. I’ve been writing here since 2003
Sorry you’re struggling btw. Life has been kicking my ass lately as well. I’m sure it’s not easy being a mom of 3 young kids. That can make you feel isolated. It sounds as though your husband is rather unsupportive. Hopefully he learns to treat you better. If you need to talk, feel free…
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what i can tell you is that even with loads of people surrounding that are able to help, having young children is very overwhelming. I can’t even imagine having twins the age of two and the five month old newborn. The way that the man you married is treating you and the things you shared here that he said to you are unacceptable. I can imagine not wanting to ask him to help, because you ought to avoid being called horrible names. Somehow someway you’ve got to lay out boundaries with him. I don’t know if this could possibly start by you writing him a letter?
Something like:
Maybe as short and sweet as possible. I’m not willing to tolerate you treating me like a worthless piece of $h!t and calling me names. Just so you know this is the definition of verbal abuse. I do not feel like we are in a partnership. I feel like there was love between us and that was what brought us together. Just so you know I am a strong person and I am capable of doing anything in the world I want to, and though I have consciously chosen to be with you, if you do not want to be a part of this life with me I will be just fine moving on without you.
Maybe that sounds extreme, I do not know much of your situation in detail, but it’s an idea? Maybe a little letter? Maybe just a little post it note? Maybe just something you could boil down and practice how to say it to his face. Just say something along the lines of above. I want to set boundaries with you. I am a valuable human being and I deserve to be treated well. And even if you don’t feel like it at all whatsoever communicate to him that you are strong and you are capable of doing anything you want and getting through this life with or without him.
To start with I think this is a great place to bring yourself. You can write out whatever you want to say and not be worried about people finding it. You could also have the input of people who are not involved in your life and do not have any commitment to him or judgment towards you that may respond to you honestly and hopefully show you love and kindness.
Writing things out is therapeutic.
It is not quite as strong as saying them out loud. But it is still VERY powerful.
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