I’m not Enough

 Well I guess somehow I was hit in the head and made a new realization. 
He does not want to be in a real, legitimate, meaningful relationship with me. 
If he did he would be, simply. 
I am here available, and I am willing and I love him.
He is not willing. He IS NOT WILLING. 

I lost it last night, but I knew that it was coming.

I am not enough for him, and maybe I never will be. 

What I have to figure out is what I am willing to "take" and wait for. 
He doesn’t respect me the way a boyfriend does. 
His actions don’t show that he loves me the way that his words do… but he knows that I am a words girl, and that’s how he sucks me back in, and that’s how he keeps me.

I’ve been thinking about how it’s been 14 years overall. Not tense like this the whole time, but 14 years of friendship that moved into something else and now bounces back and forth. 14 years. That’s a long time.  Is that too long? Should we have figured it out if it can be figured out by now? I think so, but I have so much faith… and I know that we could be amazing together. I know that we belong together, and that’s why I want to fight. 

I am not a quitter. I don’t give up. But I’m wondering if it’s time to let him go. For the last time.