Thou Shalt Not Spill

Love, and other such related terms, is a liquid.

I’ve decided this after studying matter with my 3rd graders. Liquids take the shape of what they’re in….and spill all over the place when taken out of said container. I am spilling.

But I will not be sad this week. I will not be broken. I will not cry over boys I have known less than 3 months (again). I will not try to understand people in relation to my sanity. I will not expect anything of anyone. I will simply relearn the art of smiling and prepare for the battle that is life. I have been without armor too long.

Tonight, I will enjoy our local music festival in a cute dress at a party I was invited to because I am a cute girl. I will drink multiple free drinks and I will not spill myself on people. It’s rude.

Tomorrow, I will drive 12 hours to Alabama and hug my oldest friends. I will smile and mean it. I will likely cuddle up with said friends all through the night and sleep better than I’ve slept in weeks.

The next day, I will pretend to believe in love again while showering my best friend in praise and promise of a great life at her wedding shower. And after that, I will jam with the first musicians I ever played with and meld into the comfort of their musical understandings of me. It will be the closest thing to heaven I will ever find here on Earth.

And then I will likely do things I should not in New Orleans. And I won’t care…because they will be experienced with the best of company in the best of moments. And we will laugh and share these stories for years to come. This will be accompanied by a concert of my favorite band with my favorite person in the whole world. And it will rock. Hard.

And once I’ve exhausted myself from these meanderings, I will hop on a plane and go see my pregnant, fucked up sister who isn’t quite so fucked up anymore because she’s pregnant. Cheers. And I will talk my mom’s ears off and not worry about whether I am bothering her or not…because she’s my mom…and there’s no such thing as bothering.

It will be a great week. I will not puke up my dinner in unexpected waves of hurt and worry. I will be strong. I will have fun. And I will learn to tackle the most unruly parts of my mind….

Amen.