Thursday 5/26/22

8:13am I feel a bit better. I got to bed at a decent hour last night. I slept fairly good. I had vivid dream ms that I don’t e member. They got me up at four to change me but let me go back to bed. Aide said I will be getting up after breakfast.

I’m still in a lot of pain. Pain is centered in my left leg. I got !y legs tangled up and could hardly get straightened out.i tried to move my left leg and it hurt like hell. I was finally able to move my legs and get in a position where I could eat breakfast.

Well. I’m above the dirt. I should be grateful. But lately I’ve been wondering if going through all this pain is worth it. I feel miserable most of the time. I am not getting a heck of a lot out of life. Chocolatechip says we got to keep going for each other? This is why we are here. I tend to agree. I would don’t know what to do without her. Sometimes I think she is the only reason I keep going.

I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself. Arthritis pain brings on depression. I start thinking very negative thoughts such as all is hopeless. This is depression speaking but I wonder if it has a point.

4:59pm I’m feeling a bit better. I had a good lunch except for the cold coffee. This and the arthritis pain lifted my spirits. Also, I spent most of the day reading the front page of the New  York Times.  They had a lot of articles about that horrible shooting in Texas. Nineteen students plus two teachers were killed. This was the worse  school shooting since Sandy Hook back in 2012. I got caught up in reading  about how the community was coping with their loss my problems seem insignificant.

Reading cleared my mind? I also enjoy browsing for books on my Kindle app. They have a lot of interesting books in Kindle Unlimited. You can borrow these books for free. I picked out a self help book on how to eliminate negative thinking. I am hoping that this will help with the depression.i also found a couple history books by my favorite Civil War author Stephen W Sears. But I will have to buy these books when I get my SS check.

So I had  nice afternoon. I was still in a lot of pain though. I had troueble making a bm . It was very painful. It happened early in the afternoon. I rang the call light. Aides came in to change me. I thought I pooped myself but aides said nothing came out.i asked them to tell the nurse about this and get some med to help me.

I got good care today. Also lunch was good For lunch I had BBQ chicken, scalloped potatoes and carrots. I had a cup of cold coffee and a fruit juice.i can’t complain about anything except my aches and pains.

8:54pm I am in bed. I wanted to go to bed early tonight. I just want to get the day over with and get to sleep. Tomorrow will  be a better day. I think I’m recovering from the cold I had. I’m not coughing as much. Also my throat isn’t sore. I feel pretty good physically except for mild arthritis pain. But I still had a shitty day with arthritis. I he it won’t be as bad tomorrow.

All I can say is thank God for this tablet. I did a lot of reading today and I think that saved my soul. I read the NYT and started to read Needful Things. I am really enjoying this book and it helped take my mind off crap. I  felt a lot better when I rang the call light and the aides came to put me to bed.

I’m glad to be in bed this early in the evening. I am in a comfortable position and my legs are not giving me pain. This is the first time today when arthritis pain had not been bothering me. I only hope I can sle tonight.