Burn the world

i just want to trash everything, i want to break this laptop, i want to throw my nightstand, i want to break the window, i want my dad to retaliate and try to stop him and just punch him in the face, grab the iron bar in my room and hold it against his throat, just to make him see how serious i am, i want to almost fking choke him to death, i want to just break everything, i want him to call the cops on me, and i want the cops to shoot me down so they can finally put an end to my fucking worthless existance. if i wasnt so neurotic and more impulsive, this would have already happened by now. this rage and hatred i feel keeps eating me and i have no one to talk about it except you diary

god i feel like all i do is complain and complain, hfjwehdjfhjlhlkfhlhjlktbkdjvfenrnJ

 

i am angry

i am sad

lonely

i want myn parents to notice

im fucking 22 years old, and im having these fucking problems

this shouldve been happening when i was a teenager

i feel ive just been delayed, i was much more of an adult and a lot more responsible when i was 14~18

everything has just gone to shit, and it hasnt gotten any better, and i dont think it will

take my life, as im too afraid to take it myself

my parents dont realize how out of control my life has gotten, and how out of control IVE gotten, and i just cant tell them because they will never see me the same way again

 

im a bad friend

im a bad brother

and im an even worse son

 

i want therapy, maybe i can get help getting my life back in order

unfortunately i have no insurance

death will come sooner or later

i did always think i would die in a car accident, ive always thought i would die young due to my carelessness

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i cant control my emotions, i can only hold them back, because if i dont i will do something ill regret, thats where they  always lead me